Persistence through the Apathetic

The title seemed to make sense to me.
Hopefully it'll make sense to you too with what I'm bloggin' about tonight.
And here it is, but first, some background.

I know I've said this before, but I will surely say it again: I am not perfect. I believe in a perfect God, and a perfect Savior, but I am far from Him when it comes to perfection. I claim to be a Christian, but I am absolutely not the best one out there. I don't always go to church like I should (in truth, I haven't gone in like, almost a year). I don't always pray, or read my Bible, or listen to Christian music, think good thoughts, etc., etc.

But that's all stuff I wish to improve. And not just wish, but demand that I improve on. Because I've realised that I have no direction in life. I have no idea where I'm going, what I'm doing/going to do....I mean, I have my interests, and the things that, I guess, "appeal", but a big part of me is wondering if that's all leading down the right path.

So I need to get my head on straight, and really, the only way for that to happen is for the good Lord to put it back in place His way. And I'm not telling you this to prove anything to you. I'm just simply stating, mostly because I feel profound right now, but I want it to be clear that I don't know everything, nor am I some great Christian warrior like those awesome women that everyone looks up to.

Over the past couple of days, I've really been working on my prayer life. It's been one of the hardest things for me to pray everyday because, quite frankly, I don't know what to pray about. I feel like I just keep repeating myself over and over, and that it's not getting through. Ever feel like that? That's usually when I just give up. I figure I'm not seeing or feeling any results (or at least I think I'm not seeing or feeling them), so I throw in the towel.

But I think that's one of God's big testers for us, to see just how faithful we are. It's kind of like He backs off, and feels farther away than ever. And I know I'm not alone when I say that that's typically when I decide that He is too far away for what I'm asking, and for me personally. So naturally, I slack off.

I was flipping through the Bible the other night, hoping God would just magically let me open to a passage that would speak directly to me (but we all know how that usually turns out). I ended up in Luke, and found one of those neat Bible pointer-outer things on the side of the page with the title "Persistence Pays Off".

"Huh."

So I read the little pointer-outer-thingamajig, and then the verses that went with it. Honestly, I don't think it was that "magical" passage I was looking for, but we all know that God usually doesn't do what WE want, but what HE wants, right? Plus, there's no such thing as a "magical" Bible verse when all's said and done.

Luke 18: 1-8 The Parable of the Persistent Widow (with boldage and color by me) "Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: 'In a certain town, there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.' For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' ' And the Lord said, 'Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?' "

So. Let's review and analyze, shall we? He told them this parable to teach them that they should never stop praying. They should never give up. I think that pretty much says for itself that they (or, "We", rather) may feel like there's no point or it's too hard, blah blah blah, but we need to keep going. We need to keep praying, no matter what. That widow wouldn't stop buggin' the judge. He refused her request "for some time", but she kept at it. (Thank you Miss Points-out-the-obvious-a-lot).

OK, on to the next point then. I don't know about you, but I often feel like when I pray, nothing happens. I feel like I can keep praying about a certain issue, or for a friend, etc., but nothing improves or changes. I keep repeating the same thing over and over, because I just don't know what else to say, because I don't know if He's answering me. Ever meet those people who say, "God told me such-and-such!" and wonder how they knew that it really was God who told them? (Sorry, rabbit trail.)

Anyways, I think that's where God's testing us. He knows we don't know what else to say. He's heard it all before. No excuse can get past Him. It's kind of like the people who don't sing in church because they "don't know the song". (BS.)

Why should we stop praying because we "don't know what else to say"?

One of my friends' mom told me a story I will never forget (even when that little voice in the back of my head is saying "Pray! Pray!" and I'm all, "Why?! Why?!") She told me about a friend of hers who didn't know Jesus. And she prayed for her friend everyday to come to know Him. Years and years went by without so much as a glint of hope. Then finally, after, I think 19 - 20 years, her friend called her up and told her she now knows Jesus as her Savior. 19 to 20 years! (I mean, I know Your timing is, You know, YOUR timing and all, God, but 19 - 20 years?!) But it happened. And she was persistent, even when things didn't look like they were getting any better.

"However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

That kind of hit home for me when I read that. Though, honestly, anything that speaks about faith almost always confuses me. I don't think I ever grew up knowing what real faith was. All I know is that it's a learning process. But I think it means this: will we be that persistent for Christ? When everything and everyone is in a state of blah, will we find the courage and the gumption to push foreword anyway and pray? When our Savior returns, who will still be praying?

After I read that, I reflected. Things haven't been easy the past few months. I've made some difficult, though necessary, changes in my life. And I'm still going through that process. My mom and my cousin had prayed for me, and though I was 100% in agreement with them, I was hoping God was too. Hoping, in the sense that I was a bit skeptical.
Well, maybe not skeptical. Rather, cautious.
'Cause all my friends'll tell you that I'm a cautious person. I don't jump into things without making sure I'll come out first.

I know I didn't continue praying (though I did pray little spurts now and then out of desperation), so I won't say that I went on with persistence like the widow. But those prayers were answered. To a degree. But a big degree. And I am seeing where those prayers are continually being answered. God has been opening so many doors, and surprising the heck out of me lately, that I actually find myself looking foreword to the unexpected with no question about it.

But it's also taught me to "pray without ceasing", even when I'm unsure, and when things feel bland. I need to prove to God that I am persistent. Not to impress Him, because that's honestly impossible when you think about it, but to show Him that, like good ol' Switchfoot says, "You haven't lost me yet."

So, I hope that all made sense. I just felt like I wanted (or needed) to expound on this some. Maybe as a confirmation, or a way of reminding myself that God really does ANSWER prayer. "Answer" being the key word: it doesn't necessarily mean what we want Him to say or do.