Devoted

So, I realize that I have not done anything that I suggested in my last post.


Not because I don't want to have another challenge (but it's just so...challenging! Derp), or start an art blog. 


Actually, at the moment, the art blog idea isn't as important.


But praising God everyday, giving Him the glory, recognizing the need for worshipping Him, is.
Whether I feel like it or not.
Whether I can actually think of anything to praise Him for or not.
Whether it's through words or acts.


I think something happened between now and September 27th (I know, that you know, that I know, that you know - but that's not the point I'm making here).


I think I got comfortable.


Too comfortable.


I slowly slipped onto the edge of the fence, and haven't realized, until now, that I'm still sitting there.


I know my devotional life with Yeshua has been compromised.  It's something that has been on my mind and heart for a while now.  But I haven't done anything about it up to this point.


I know the dangers of a lukewarm soul, and have felt its safe arms keep me from embarking on a deeper, more intimate level with my Lord.  And I don't want to be in that place again.


So, how have I realized all of this?


First, God is amazing with how He does stuff.


That's right: stuff.


I was getting caught up on some over-due Bible study reading, finally getting to the last chapter in Leviticus.  It's all about redeeming what belongs to the Lord, or how to dedicate something or someone to Him.  Pretty straight-foreword stuff, I guess, though I was kinda confused while reading it.  But the whole emphasis on devotion to the Lord made me think about how lightly I take my devotion to Him, how easy it is to take it so lightly.


Then one of my Bible side-note doodgimuhickies pointed out verse 28:


"But nothing that a man owns and devotes to the LORD - whether man or animal or family land - may be sold or redeemed; everything so devoted is most holy to the LORD."


Oh yes, I take it so lightly.


I am redeemed from sin and death by the death and resurrection of Yeshua Messiah. I have been cleansed from my sin by His blood. I have been made new in Him.


And in accepting Him as my Lord and Savior, I have a choice:


I can willingly offer my entire self to Him as a living sacrifice, or just...not.


One thing I do know, there is no middle-ground, no compromising. I am either fully devoted, or fully against.


Even the Israelites could not compromise what they dedicated to the Lord. They could not decide that they didn't like what they dedicated to Him, good or bad, and trade it in for something else. Whatever they substituted, both the dedication and the substitute become holy to the Lord, and are irredeemable (Lev. 27:33).


I can't decide that I only want to give a portion of my being to Him, or decide that I want to give Him something else in exchange, for whatever reason. He wants all of me, my complete devotion.

So now that it's finally clicked in my head, my prayer is this:

For a heart on fire for the Lord, fully devoted to Him and His purpose for my life. 

My challenge now:

To live it out, take it seriously.

Hope this all made sense.

Just a Few Thoughts, Possible New Challenge

'Sup ya'll?

Just have some ideas runnin' through my head, and thought I'd see what you all think.

First of all, I'm thinking of making an art blog, where basically, that's all it's about.  I'll update with little sketches, or even full-blown drawings, talk about techniques, inspirations, etc.  I'll somehow connect it with this site as well...?  The Artist's Mind-Spew: Literally!

Another thought I've had is another challenge idea. 

I don't know about any of you, but sometimes, I feel like I don't praise God enough.  I feel like I can thank Him any time, that's not difficult to do, but praise Him for just being awesome?  Yeah, somehow that seems to always "slip" my mind. 

Somehow that all also ties in with how I feel like I really need to work on putting Him first in my life. 

So...I guess here's the idea: hosting a challenge for October: Praising God Everyday for 30 Days.  Every day think of three things to praise Him for. 

I know I got a lot out of the Beauty of God challenge, so I wanna know what else can be learned. 

And I feel like, maybe if I make it something I have to post for all to see, I'll stick it out better. 

Who's in? 

Beauty of God: Reflecting the 30 Days

I was finally able to sit down and go through all the 30 posts of last month, taking notes on each day to draw up any conclusions and tie the strings together. 

There really isn't a set "common theme", but if I were to put a lable on it, it would be "Process". 

These 30 days were full of surprises.  That shouldn't have been a, well, surprise, because all this year has been full of out-of-the-blue circumstances that I know have to be God-ordained.  But I'm amazed at how much can occur in just one month. 

God surprised me in so many ways, great and small, from good friends and sermons that connect with my life, to sharing with me what He knows touches my heart.

But I've got to take the bad with the good.  This month was not only full of little joys and good friends, but with confusion and major frustration.  My life has taken some serious shaking, adding to the frustration of uncertainty.

I've learned that it's in those times that I need to seriously remember all that God has been faithful to in the past, that He is the same God "on this side of the Jordon" as He is on the other side, in the promised land.  That though my life may be unclear, He has gone before me, and is only preparing me for what's ahead, not purposefully tormenting me.  He has a vision for my life, and has set for me a high potential to reach.  And He is faithful to work in every small step of this journey of reaching that full potential, achieving that goal He has set. 

Worrying is useless, really, when He's got it all under control.  It's a frustrating concept, but one that I feel I'm making it harder on me to learn because I'm stubborn, so all these circumstances have been harder on me than necessary. 

This process is a sanctification of my heart and soul.  It doesn't happen overnight.  I need to, and want to, remember Who sees it all, and Who's got it all under control.  He never gives me more than I can handle, and is always there to see me through every good and bad situation. 

He will make the path clear to me. 

Lord, let Your peace come into my heart.  This has been a trying month, but You have a way of redeeming every situation.  You've got a purpose for my life, and I know You will be faithful to complete it.  I hope this challenge has brought me closer to You.  I feel it has. 

Yeshua, thank You for all You have done.  I know You will continue to do Your work in me throughout the days to come.  Help me to live up to Your potential, to see the vision You have for me. 

The word that keeps resonating in my mind is "peace".  I want Your peace.  Only You can supply me with a peace so everlasting and satisfying.  Nothing and no one but You can give me that peace of mind and heart that I need to live out this uncertain life.  Holy Spirit, remind me every day of God's faithfulness to me.  When life seems to get overwhelming, remind me of Your peace. 

Thank You so, so much for all You have taught me, and for what You will continue to teach me.  I pray these lessons will be on my heart. 

In Yeshua's name, amen.

Colossians 3:15-17 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all widsom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

As I'm living out these few days God has given me, I know He will give me His peace, His shalom, to be able to live my life for Him with gratitude and praise.  As He prepares my heart for what's to come, I want to be thankful and at peace with it. 

John 14:23-27 Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching.  My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.  He who does not love me will not obey my teaching.  These words you hear ar not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

All this I have spoken while still with you.  But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

(All boldage in both verses my own doings.)

Beauty of God: Day 30 - A Change of Heart = Strength of Heart...?

Wow...the last day.

Unless you count tomorrow, bein' all a recap of what all's been happening.

Anyway...today was my second day as a floater. Wasn't any less stressful, as I did all the driving from building to building with my supervisor.

Honestly, I was dreading it all. For some reason, some kind of fatigue decided to hit me (I thought sleeping it off would help...but it didn't), and just knowing that everyday is gonna be different.

I prayed for a serious change of heart, because I'm even still longing for my old building, with the people and stability.

But, as I met my supervisor and we went around to the different buildings, the job started to get easier and easier. My supervisor is a neat woman, very friendly and amiable.

I was very discouraged about this job, being constantly on the run and having jobs up in the air.
But I think there's a bit of a peace about it now...could be the experience and repetition, but I think also God's hand is absolutely all over this.

More openings are coming up, which is good.

I think the beauty is how God can change your heart, whether in small ways or great. 

And I don't know why, but somehow, this is the song that seems to fit with this day. 

http://youtu.be/ISgr8SgCYbY

Well You took my day and You flipped it around
Calmed the tidal wave and put my feet on the ground

Yeah, that's what happened, I think. 

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26

That verse has been resonating in my head (thanks Chris).  And I'm definitely beginning to realize this.  Something happens when you call on the name of Yeshua Messiah.  He is enough, and He can give you that change of heart, no matter how discouraged you feel, physically, mentally, or spiritually.

So...a change of heart = strength of heart.

Actually...I think it's more like, once you realize Who is the strength of your heart, you realize Who gives you that change of heart you need.  The more it's realized that Yeshua is your portion, the more you realize how your situation isn't as bad as you thought. 

Beauty of God: Day 29 - Bittersweet Part II

Today I started in my new position as a floater, meaning that I fill in for people who call out sick or go on vacation.

It felt super weird to not be going to where I was cleaning for the past few months. And the more I cleaned these new buildings with these new people, the more I knew how much I'm missing everyone at the old building.

Maybe it's because I knew that building well, and it was stable. I wasn't jumping around from building to building. It was straighforward and chill.

But I definitely know that the people there made all the difference.

Those who know me well know that I don't attatch myself to just anyone. For instance, when I went to community college, I absolutely did not go there to make friends. If I made aquaintances, that was cool, but I knew for a fact that I was never gonna see those people after that semester, and that I had enough friends.
I guess, in other words, I don't invest my time in people when I feel like it's not worth it.

But these people - my co-worker, the guards, the other employees - made a huge impact on my life.

A thought that keeps occurring is that I miss the stability, being able to go in there, do my thing.

Maybe this is God's way of shaking my life up a bit, testing the waters, so to speak. Gettin' me out of my shell. Because I know I tend to get too comfortable when things are stable, and then I don't advance or grow any.

Wow...now I'm thinking of all the times, just this year, that God has really given my life a good shaking. Figuratively AND literally, thanks to the earthquake, ha.

I know I'm definitely gonna be visiting everyone at my former cleaning place, because they really do have a special place in my heart now. But I think now it's also a good thing to move on, get out there, see what I'm made of.

On a sidenote, my brother, sister-in-law, and nephews leave tomorrow. They're coming back at least two more times in the upcoming months, but I'm still going to really miss them. It's been so great hanging out with them, having one-on-one times, and getting to know my nephews more. They're all so great to have in my life.

Beauty of God: Day 28 - It's All Comin' Together

I know it's pretty elementary to know that it doesn't matter who you are or what you've done, God is still gonna love you.

But I'm finding it extremely profound that I can be as angry with God as I want to be about whatever, and He's going to go against my grain and love me. He's not gonna go all "human nature" on me and play any kind of blame-game, or blow anything out of proportion. I'm sure He feels hurt, He doesn't want me to be angry with Him, but that doesn't mean He gets angry with me in return. He will sit there calmly and speak love and the honest to Him truth about the matter.

I felt really guilty about being mad at Him this week, and especially yesterday during church. It's like one of those awkward things, where you see someone you're mad at, but you're around other people so you don't want to make a scene. I've been feeling like there's no point in praying as well.

I guess the only difference is He won't react the way we would expect someone else to act. Like, if someone was mad at me, I would feel very hurt, but then I'd end up just getting angry back and overexagerate the issue. Or I would just feel total animosity towards the person, especially if nothing was worked out. Or I would cower down and think it all was my fault, whether it was or not.

With God, there's only total and raw honesty in the situation. He knows what the deal is. He knows His way is better, and that though it may upset me that I don't know what the future holds, that's not going to stop Him from going through with His plan. He's not gonna throw in the towel in cowardice towards my anger. He knows when it's His doing or ours, and I think He's pretty good at making it clear....

I don't think He likes that He has to with-hold these things from us all the time. A father typically wants to give his children the very best, right? He doesn't want his children to be unhappy.
And, I mean, you can't get any better of a best when it comes to THE Father. And He doesn't wish to make us unhappy, He just knows what is absolutely, honestly, and ultimately best for us.

I'm still finding it hard to really talk to Him again, because it's weird trying to wrap my brain around this. But it's an effort I'm willing to make, because I want to believe it.

I know that through all this confusion and uncertainty, I shouldn't have thrown a temper-tantrum like a two year old. I should have, at the very least, praised God for what He's taught me so far, and kept asking Him to keep preparing me for whatever it is He has me waiting for. Like I said, He knows whose fault it really is, and makes it clear. He knows I'm just impatient.

And just because He loves me no matter what, that doesn't mean I should or can remain angry with Him. He doesn't owe me anything, and He certainly doesn't deserve my anger. I'm just a bratty human who needs to grow up and push through the frustrations.

Beauty of God: Day 27 - Somethin' About the Sabbath...

Today's been a pretty fulfilling day.
My brother, sister-in-law, and nephews are here.
We all went to church as a family, which hasn't been done in many, many years.

I'm sure it's funny for everyone at church to see my brother chasing his nephew around, when they remember when it was our dad chasing my brother.

Spending quality time with the kids has been great, especially my oldest nephew, who's goin' on two soon.

This was one of those days that started out rough, but gradually got better and better.

Going to church - well, the act of it wasn't a big deal. It was when I got there and felt I had no business there. I was still pretty angry at God, and felt like participating in the worship was almost blasphemous.
I held my youngest nephew wrong.

I mean, it's not like I held the kid upside down or anything, but for some reason I wasn't supporting his head the way I should have been, and felt awful when six hands reached for him as his upper-half leaned backwards. In my defence, there's a reason why I'm not a mother right now: obviously, I'm not ready for kids.
But I should have had more common sense.

Anyway, still feeling all this, not only does the sermon, again, fit in with a lot of what I'm struggling with, a friend of mine who I look up to immensely talked with me and offered to pray for me, which touched my heart to no end.

As the day goes on, I spent more time with my oldest nephew, learned how to entertain him while his dad and our younger brother played flag football (which also touched my heart to see the two of them together like brothers should be).

Was able to talk to my friend for like...three hours, maybe more, and had an awesome time. Hope he did too, although I believe he fell asleep. Either he was REALLY tired, or I'm just REALLY boring.

I think I've finally reached a point where I can make my peace with God. Really, I think that's the point of this update. Because I've been feeling pretty unworthy of His love and attention because of how angry I was. But after my friend prayed for me, it all began to fall back into place, sort of. Like, there's still that part of me that demands clarity, but I think I can finally own up to my own defeat, that God's trying to teach me something.