Wow...the last day.
Unless you count tomorrow, bein' all a recap of what all's been happening.
Anyway...today was my second day as a floater. Wasn't any less stressful, as I did all the driving from building to building with my supervisor.
Honestly, I was dreading it all. For some reason, some kind of fatigue decided to hit me (I thought sleeping it off would help...but it didn't), and just knowing that everyday is gonna be different.
I prayed for a serious change of heart, because I'm even still longing for my old building, with the people and stability.
But, as I met my supervisor and we went around to the different buildings, the job started to get easier and easier. My supervisor is a neat woman, very friendly and amiable.
I was very discouraged about this job, being constantly on the run and having jobs up in the air.
But I think there's a bit of a peace about it now...could be the experience and repetition, but I think also God's hand is absolutely all over this.
More openings are coming up, which is good.
I think the beauty is how God can change your heart, whether in small ways or great.
And I don't know why, but somehow, this is the song that seems to fit with this day.
http://youtu.be/ISgr8SgCYbY
Well You took my day and You flipped it around
Calmed the tidal wave and put my feet on the ground
Yeah, that's what happened, I think.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26
That verse has been resonating in my head (thanks Chris). And I'm definitely beginning to realize this. Something happens when you call on the name of Yeshua Messiah. He is enough, and He can give you that change of heart, no matter how discouraged you feel, physically, mentally, or spiritually.
So...a change of heart = strength of heart.
Actually...I think it's more like, once you realize Who is the strength of your heart, you realize Who gives you that change of heart you need. The more it's realized that Yeshua is your portion, the more you realize how your situation isn't as bad as you thought.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 29 - Bittersweet Part II
Today I started in my new position as a floater, meaning that I fill in for people who call out sick or go on vacation.
It felt super weird to not be going to where I was cleaning for the past few months. And the more I cleaned these new buildings with these new people, the more I knew how much I'm missing everyone at the old building.
Maybe it's because I knew that building well, and it was stable. I wasn't jumping around from building to building. It was straighforward and chill.
But I definitely know that the people there made all the difference.
Those who know me well know that I don't attatch myself to just anyone. For instance, when I went to community college, I absolutely did not go there to make friends. If I made aquaintances, that was cool, but I knew for a fact that I was never gonna see those people after that semester, and that I had enough friends.
I guess, in other words, I don't invest my time in people when I feel like it's not worth it.
But these people - my co-worker, the guards, the other employees - made a huge impact on my life.
A thought that keeps occurring is that I miss the stability, being able to go in there, do my thing.
Maybe this is God's way of shaking my life up a bit, testing the waters, so to speak. Gettin' me out of my shell. Because I know I tend to get too comfortable when things are stable, and then I don't advance or grow any.
Wow...now I'm thinking of all the times, just this year, that God has really given my life a good shaking. Figuratively AND literally, thanks to the earthquake, ha.
I know I'm definitely gonna be visiting everyone at my former cleaning place, because they really do have a special place in my heart now. But I think now it's also a good thing to move on, get out there, see what I'm made of.
On a sidenote, my brother, sister-in-law, and nephews leave tomorrow. They're coming back at least two more times in the upcoming months, but I'm still going to really miss them. It's been so great hanging out with them, having one-on-one times, and getting to know my nephews more. They're all so great to have in my life.
It felt super weird to not be going to where I was cleaning for the past few months. And the more I cleaned these new buildings with these new people, the more I knew how much I'm missing everyone at the old building.
Maybe it's because I knew that building well, and it was stable. I wasn't jumping around from building to building. It was straighforward and chill.
But I definitely know that the people there made all the difference.
Those who know me well know that I don't attatch myself to just anyone. For instance, when I went to community college, I absolutely did not go there to make friends. If I made aquaintances, that was cool, but I knew for a fact that I was never gonna see those people after that semester, and that I had enough friends.
I guess, in other words, I don't invest my time in people when I feel like it's not worth it.
But these people - my co-worker, the guards, the other employees - made a huge impact on my life.
A thought that keeps occurring is that I miss the stability, being able to go in there, do my thing.
Maybe this is God's way of shaking my life up a bit, testing the waters, so to speak. Gettin' me out of my shell. Because I know I tend to get too comfortable when things are stable, and then I don't advance or grow any.
Wow...now I'm thinking of all the times, just this year, that God has really given my life a good shaking. Figuratively AND literally, thanks to the earthquake, ha.
I know I'm definitely gonna be visiting everyone at my former cleaning place, because they really do have a special place in my heart now. But I think now it's also a good thing to move on, get out there, see what I'm made of.
On a sidenote, my brother, sister-in-law, and nephews leave tomorrow. They're coming back at least two more times in the upcoming months, but I'm still going to really miss them. It's been so great hanging out with them, having one-on-one times, and getting to know my nephews more. They're all so great to have in my life.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 28 - It's All Comin' Together
I know it's pretty elementary to know that it doesn't matter who you are or what you've done, God is still gonna love you.
But I'm finding it extremely profound that I can be as angry with God as I want to be about whatever, and He's going to go against my grain and love me. He's not gonna go all "human nature" on me and play any kind of blame-game, or blow anything out of proportion. I'm sure He feels hurt, He doesn't want me to be angry with Him, but that doesn't mean He gets angry with me in return. He will sit there calmly and speak love and the honest to Him truth about the matter.
I felt really guilty about being mad at Him this week, and especially yesterday during church. It's like one of those awkward things, where you see someone you're mad at, but you're around other people so you don't want to make a scene. I've been feeling like there's no point in praying as well.
I guess the only difference is He won't react the way we would expect someone else to act. Like, if someone was mad at me, I would feel very hurt, but then I'd end up just getting angry back and overexagerate the issue. Or I would just feel total animosity towards the person, especially if nothing was worked out. Or I would cower down and think it all was my fault, whether it was or not.
With God, there's only total and raw honesty in the situation. He knows what the deal is. He knows His way is better, and that though it may upset me that I don't know what the future holds, that's not going to stop Him from going through with His plan. He's not gonna throw in the towel in cowardice towards my anger. He knows when it's His doing or ours, and I think He's pretty good at making it clear....
I don't think He likes that He has to with-hold these things from us all the time. A father typically wants to give his children the very best, right? He doesn't want his children to be unhappy.
And, I mean, you can't get any better of a best when it comes to THE Father. And He doesn't wish to make us unhappy, He just knows what is absolutely, honestly, and ultimately best for us.
I'm still finding it hard to really talk to Him again, because it's weird trying to wrap my brain around this. But it's an effort I'm willing to make, because I want to believe it.
I know that through all this confusion and uncertainty, I shouldn't have thrown a temper-tantrum like a two year old. I should have, at the very least, praised God for what He's taught me so far, and kept asking Him to keep preparing me for whatever it is He has me waiting for. Like I said, He knows whose fault it really is, and makes it clear. He knows I'm just impatient.
And just because He loves me no matter what, that doesn't mean I should or can remain angry with Him. He doesn't owe me anything, and He certainly doesn't deserve my anger. I'm just a bratty human who needs to grow up and push through the frustrations.
But I'm finding it extremely profound that I can be as angry with God as I want to be about whatever, and He's going to go against my grain and love me. He's not gonna go all "human nature" on me and play any kind of blame-game, or blow anything out of proportion. I'm sure He feels hurt, He doesn't want me to be angry with Him, but that doesn't mean He gets angry with me in return. He will sit there calmly and speak love and the honest to Him truth about the matter.
I felt really guilty about being mad at Him this week, and especially yesterday during church. It's like one of those awkward things, where you see someone you're mad at, but you're around other people so you don't want to make a scene. I've been feeling like there's no point in praying as well.
I guess the only difference is He won't react the way we would expect someone else to act. Like, if someone was mad at me, I would feel very hurt, but then I'd end up just getting angry back and overexagerate the issue. Or I would just feel total animosity towards the person, especially if nothing was worked out. Or I would cower down and think it all was my fault, whether it was or not.
With God, there's only total and raw honesty in the situation. He knows what the deal is. He knows His way is better, and that though it may upset me that I don't know what the future holds, that's not going to stop Him from going through with His plan. He's not gonna throw in the towel in cowardice towards my anger. He knows when it's His doing or ours, and I think He's pretty good at making it clear....
I don't think He likes that He has to with-hold these things from us all the time. A father typically wants to give his children the very best, right? He doesn't want his children to be unhappy.
And, I mean, you can't get any better of a best when it comes to THE Father. And He doesn't wish to make us unhappy, He just knows what is absolutely, honestly, and ultimately best for us.
I'm still finding it hard to really talk to Him again, because it's weird trying to wrap my brain around this. But it's an effort I'm willing to make, because I want to believe it.
I know that through all this confusion and uncertainty, I shouldn't have thrown a temper-tantrum like a two year old. I should have, at the very least, praised God for what He's taught me so far, and kept asking Him to keep preparing me for whatever it is He has me waiting for. Like I said, He knows whose fault it really is, and makes it clear. He knows I'm just impatient.
And just because He loves me no matter what, that doesn't mean I should or can remain angry with Him. He doesn't owe me anything, and He certainly doesn't deserve my anger. I'm just a bratty human who needs to grow up and push through the frustrations.
Beauty of God: Day 27 - Somethin' About the Sabbath...
Today's been a pretty fulfilling day.
My brother, sister-in-law, and nephews are here.
We all went to church as a family, which hasn't been done in many, many years.
I'm sure it's funny for everyone at church to see my brother chasing his nephew around, when they remember when it was our dad chasing my brother.
Spending quality time with the kids has been great, especially my oldest nephew, who's goin' on two soon.
This was one of those days that started out rough, but gradually got better and better.
Going to church - well, the act of it wasn't a big deal. It was when I got there and felt I had no business there. I was still pretty angry at God, and felt like participating in the worship was almost blasphemous.
I held my youngest nephew wrong.
I mean, it's not like I held the kid upside down or anything, but for some reason I wasn't supporting his head the way I should have been, and felt awful when six hands reached for him as his upper-half leaned backwards. In my defence, there's a reason why I'm not a mother right now: obviously, I'm not ready for kids.
But I should have had more common sense.
Anyway, still feeling all this, not only does the sermon, again, fit in with a lot of what I'm struggling with, a friend of mine who I look up to immensely talked with me and offered to pray for me, which touched my heart to no end.
As the day goes on, I spent more time with my oldest nephew, learned how to entertain him while his dad and our younger brother played flag football (which also touched my heart to see the two of them together like brothers should be).
Was able to talk to my friend for like...three hours, maybe more, and had an awesome time. Hope he did too, although I believe he fell asleep. Either he was REALLY tired, or I'm just REALLY boring.
I think I've finally reached a point where I can make my peace with God. Really, I think that's the point of this update. Because I've been feeling pretty unworthy of His love and attention because of how angry I was. But after my friend prayed for me, it all began to fall back into place, sort of. Like, there's still that part of me that demands clarity, but I think I can finally own up to my own defeat, that God's trying to teach me something.
My brother, sister-in-law, and nephews are here.
We all went to church as a family, which hasn't been done in many, many years.
I'm sure it's funny for everyone at church to see my brother chasing his nephew around, when they remember when it was our dad chasing my brother.
Spending quality time with the kids has been great, especially my oldest nephew, who's goin' on two soon.
This was one of those days that started out rough, but gradually got better and better.
Going to church - well, the act of it wasn't a big deal. It was when I got there and felt I had no business there. I was still pretty angry at God, and felt like participating in the worship was almost blasphemous.
I held my youngest nephew wrong.
I mean, it's not like I held the kid upside down or anything, but for some reason I wasn't supporting his head the way I should have been, and felt awful when six hands reached for him as his upper-half leaned backwards. In my defence, there's a reason why I'm not a mother right now: obviously, I'm not ready for kids.
But I should have had more common sense.
Anyway, still feeling all this, not only does the sermon, again, fit in with a lot of what I'm struggling with, a friend of mine who I look up to immensely talked with me and offered to pray for me, which touched my heart to no end.
As the day goes on, I spent more time with my oldest nephew, learned how to entertain him while his dad and our younger brother played flag football (which also touched my heart to see the two of them together like brothers should be).
Was able to talk to my friend for like...three hours, maybe more, and had an awesome time. Hope he did too, although I believe he fell asleep. Either he was REALLY tired, or I'm just REALLY boring.
I think I've finally reached a point where I can make my peace with God. Really, I think that's the point of this update. Because I've been feeling pretty unworthy of His love and attention because of how angry I was. But after my friend prayed for me, it all began to fall back into place, sort of. Like, there's still that part of me that demands clarity, but I think I can finally own up to my own defeat, that God's trying to teach me something.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 26 - Beauty in Appreciation
I think there's beauty in knowing you're appreciated.
Tonight was my last night in the building I've been cleaning. Lord knows how much I've appreciated the warm welcome, advice, and general friendliness.
And it was nice knowing that my help there was appreciated. Not that they didn't show it enought - far from it! I don't think there ever was a day I wasn't thanked for something.
I guess it's got me thinking, God likes to be appreciated too. Even though, to be honest, I'm finding it super hard right now to whole-heartedly be appreciative (because I'm stubbern, and I feel a hard lesson coming...), He still wants me to appreciate Him, and what He's done.
I want to genuinly thank Him right now...but I'm finding it difficult.
Which probably means I need to just suck it up and do it anyway.
Tonight was my last night in the building I've been cleaning. Lord knows how much I've appreciated the warm welcome, advice, and general friendliness.
And it was nice knowing that my help there was appreciated. Not that they didn't show it enought - far from it! I don't think there ever was a day I wasn't thanked for something.
I guess it's got me thinking, God likes to be appreciated too. Even though, to be honest, I'm finding it super hard right now to whole-heartedly be appreciative (because I'm stubbern, and I feel a hard lesson coming...), He still wants me to appreciate Him, and what He's done.
I want to genuinly thank Him right now...but I'm finding it difficult.
Which probably means I need to just suck it up and do it anyway.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 25 - Bittersweet
Tomorrow is my last day at the building I'm cleaning.
And I really don't want to leave. The people I've met there have really made an impact on my life. They are some of the most genuine, welcoming people. Very rare to find such a tight-knit community.
Anyone who knows me well knows I don't try to attatch myself to others, especially on purpose. For example, when I was attending the community college, I didn't go there to make friends. The people I met there were merely classmates, and that's all they've remained. Really, I just didn't want to get attatched to people I knew I wasn't going to remain more than mere aquaintances with.
Then God does these crazy things, like introduce me to (or re-introduce me to) people, and suddenly I'm finding it hard not to get attatched.
I really hope that as I move on, the joy and unity the people I've met at this building have shown me can be shown through me to others.
God put me there for a reason, and has shown me such beauty there.
In a more general update, I'm still having trouble with figuring stuff out, doubts vs. truth. I don't know why this is as hard as it is. Maybe I've overcomplicated it (since I'm a pro at that).
I seriously just wish someone would come up to me and tell me what to do. I don't know if it's because I'm just tired and need sleep, but I'm so frustrated that I'm afraid somethin's gonna go down.
I feel like, if God knows I'm the kind of person who needs absolute clarity, why doesn't He just...give it?
I know, I know. That'd be the easy way out.
But come on!
Alright, I'll leave you all alone now.
And I really don't want to leave. The people I've met there have really made an impact on my life. They are some of the most genuine, welcoming people. Very rare to find such a tight-knit community.
Anyone who knows me well knows I don't try to attatch myself to others, especially on purpose. For example, when I was attending the community college, I didn't go there to make friends. The people I met there were merely classmates, and that's all they've remained. Really, I just didn't want to get attatched to people I knew I wasn't going to remain more than mere aquaintances with.
Then God does these crazy things, like introduce me to (or re-introduce me to) people, and suddenly I'm finding it hard not to get attatched.
I really hope that as I move on, the joy and unity the people I've met at this building have shown me can be shown through me to others.
God put me there for a reason, and has shown me such beauty there.
In a more general update, I'm still having trouble with figuring stuff out, doubts vs. truth. I don't know why this is as hard as it is. Maybe I've overcomplicated it (since I'm a pro at that).
I seriously just wish someone would come up to me and tell me what to do. I don't know if it's because I'm just tired and need sleep, but I'm so frustrated that I'm afraid somethin's gonna go down.
I feel like, if God knows I'm the kind of person who needs absolute clarity, why doesn't He just...give it?
I know, I know. That'd be the easy way out.
But come on!
Alright, I'll leave you all alone now.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 24 - Am I Still Confident of This?
When God gives His best, He gives it, indeed.
That's how I feel today.
But I'm also very discouraged too.
Which doesn't make sense at all.
This Friday is my last day of cleaning the building I've been in since...July? Late June, early July.
I've gotten so used to the people, the building, the routine. Sometimes my co-worker and I work together, which is awesome. The security guards always talk to me, and all the other employees in the building are friendly and welcoming. They've almost become my extended family.
Today, I was surprised with a beautiful white hemp bracelet with blue beads that my co-worker made. As she's showing it to me and explaining where she got the beads, she says, "If it fits, you can have it."
And I'm sitting there like, "For real?! Sweet!"
Then the guards ordered pizza and cinnamon rolls from Papa John's.
My co-worker and I worked as a team all day. Which is awesome, not just because the work gets done quicker, but because we can talk too. It gets awful lonely cleaning those huge administration areas, and I don't have an ipod (don't think I'm allowed to use one anyway).
Even took a while to talk with my co-worker and another lady from another department about sewing.
It really doesn't end there. A lot of awesome and out-of-the-blue stuff has happened this year, but I thought I'd focus on today.
So, it really is true that when God gives His very best, He gives it indeed.
But I'm so afraid of Him taking it away from me.
With this job in this particular building, I've seen this end coming for a while. My time has been extended before, and my "boss" even talked to me about it being extended some more if he doesn't hear back from one of the ladies I'm filling in for.
I feel like there's so much that I have to wait for, and it's driving me nuts. So much uncertainty, and it's terrifying me.
So...what does this all have to do with God's beauty?
Well...I mean, He certainly showed it today through the people I work with. They're some of the most genuine people I've ever met.
And, I guess...maybe all this waiting means I focus on Him even more...? Because I know I'm struggling with knowing whether I'm hearing His truth, or the enemy's lies.
The LORD is my light and my
salvation -
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life-
of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
When my enemies and my foes attack
me,
They will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
Once thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek Him in His temple.
For in the day of trouble
He will keep me safe in His dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His
tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at His tabernacle will I sacrifice with
shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.
Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, "Seek His face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in
anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake
me,
the LORD will receive me.
Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27
My foes and oppressors?
Fear.
False witnesses?
Doubt.
That's how I feel today.
But I'm also very discouraged too.
Which doesn't make sense at all.
This Friday is my last day of cleaning the building I've been in since...July? Late June, early July.
I've gotten so used to the people, the building, the routine. Sometimes my co-worker and I work together, which is awesome. The security guards always talk to me, and all the other employees in the building are friendly and welcoming. They've almost become my extended family.
Today, I was surprised with a beautiful white hemp bracelet with blue beads that my co-worker made. As she's showing it to me and explaining where she got the beads, she says, "If it fits, you can have it."
And I'm sitting there like, "For real?! Sweet!"
Then the guards ordered pizza and cinnamon rolls from Papa John's.
My co-worker and I worked as a team all day. Which is awesome, not just because the work gets done quicker, but because we can talk too. It gets awful lonely cleaning those huge administration areas, and I don't have an ipod (don't think I'm allowed to use one anyway).
Even took a while to talk with my co-worker and another lady from another department about sewing.
It really doesn't end there. A lot of awesome and out-of-the-blue stuff has happened this year, but I thought I'd focus on today.
So, it really is true that when God gives His very best, He gives it indeed.
But I'm so afraid of Him taking it away from me.
With this job in this particular building, I've seen this end coming for a while. My time has been extended before, and my "boss" even talked to me about it being extended some more if he doesn't hear back from one of the ladies I'm filling in for.
I feel like there's so much that I have to wait for, and it's driving me nuts. So much uncertainty, and it's terrifying me.
So...what does this all have to do with God's beauty?
Well...I mean, He certainly showed it today through the people I work with. They're some of the most genuine people I've ever met.
And, I guess...maybe all this waiting means I focus on Him even more...? Because I know I'm struggling with knowing whether I'm hearing His truth, or the enemy's lies.
The LORD is my light and my
salvation -
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life-
of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
When my enemies and my foes attack
me,
They will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
Once thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek Him in His temple.
For in the day of trouble
He will keep me safe in His dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His
tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at His tabernacle will I sacrifice with
shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.
Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, "Seek His face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in
anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake
me,
the LORD will receive me.
Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27
My foes and oppressors?
Fear.
False witnesses?
Doubt.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 23 - Totally Has To Be About That Earthquake
Heck yes.
Because as I'm going about my business at work and talking to people, I'm realizing how many of us reacted so differently.
My co-worker flipped. It shook her up so bad she wasn't sure about coming in to work today.
My mom was chatting on Facebook with me, asking me tons of questions, telling me to call dad and watch the news.
I totally laughed about it.
Maybe it was because of what I thought the earthquake was originally. I was taking a nap, and felt the bed shaking. I thought it was my dog Hadassah under my bed with an itch, or trying to get out, because she's big enough to bump the bed, and possibly shake it.
But then I looked at the furniture.
Hadassah may be a tank, but she certainly doesn't shake furniture.
After it all stopped, all I could do was laugh so hard over it. Honestly, I found it exciting. Or, thrilling, rather. I guess there's a difference.
I mean, I survived my first earthquake! This really did just happen!
And the day went on as usual. Continued doing some things around the house (since I was too "shook up" to continue my nap, haha), went to work, etc. The weather was still gorgeous, no haze in the sky. God hadn't changed.
I know this is gonna sound cheesy, but hear me out on this one.
If I've learned anything along this journey with Yeshua, it's that I shouldn't expect every day to be the same. That something can happen at any moment, good or bad. My foundations are gonna shake now and then, and I've got to decide whether I'm going to let it bother me or let God do His thing.
I guess I could have let this experience scare the crap out of me, though I really think it is the grace of God that is keeping me from doing just that. I mean, sure, it was a heck of a strange and out-of-the-blue situation.
But I survived. And there was still a full day ahead of me.
I guess what I want to say here is that even though strange and crazy situations, good or bad, are gonna happen, God's not gonna stop the work that needs to be done. I may let the situation get to me enough to keep me from really living, or I might say, "Hey, I survived it, thank God." In either case, God still has a purpose and plan to carry out, and nothing can get in His way.
I hope that all made sense. It does to me, and yeah, it might sound like one of those cheesy devotionals, but it's something I want to remember.
Because as I'm going about my business at work and talking to people, I'm realizing how many of us reacted so differently.
My co-worker flipped. It shook her up so bad she wasn't sure about coming in to work today.
My mom was chatting on Facebook with me, asking me tons of questions, telling me to call dad and watch the news.
I totally laughed about it.
Maybe it was because of what I thought the earthquake was originally. I was taking a nap, and felt the bed shaking. I thought it was my dog Hadassah under my bed with an itch, or trying to get out, because she's big enough to bump the bed, and possibly shake it.
But then I looked at the furniture.
Hadassah may be a tank, but she certainly doesn't shake furniture.
After it all stopped, all I could do was laugh so hard over it. Honestly, I found it exciting. Or, thrilling, rather. I guess there's a difference.
I mean, I survived my first earthquake! This really did just happen!
And the day went on as usual. Continued doing some things around the house (since I was too "shook up" to continue my nap, haha), went to work, etc. The weather was still gorgeous, no haze in the sky. God hadn't changed.
I know this is gonna sound cheesy, but hear me out on this one.
If I've learned anything along this journey with Yeshua, it's that I shouldn't expect every day to be the same. That something can happen at any moment, good or bad. My foundations are gonna shake now and then, and I've got to decide whether I'm going to let it bother me or let God do His thing.
I guess I could have let this experience scare the crap out of me, though I really think it is the grace of God that is keeping me from doing just that. I mean, sure, it was a heck of a strange and out-of-the-blue situation.
But I survived. And there was still a full day ahead of me.
I guess what I want to say here is that even though strange and crazy situations, good or bad, are gonna happen, God's not gonna stop the work that needs to be done. I may let the situation get to me enough to keep me from really living, or I might say, "Hey, I survived it, thank God." In either case, God still has a purpose and plan to carry out, and nothing can get in His way.
I hope that all made sense. It does to me, and yeah, it might sound like one of those cheesy devotionals, but it's something I want to remember.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 22 - His Enduring Faithfulness
This could probably be saved for the last day of this challenge, but since today was full of accomplishments, I've been thinking about how this challenge has improved my walk with Yeshua.
I mean, I still definitely feel like I could do so much more. I know I've made such a "mess of me" that I want to see where God's beauty will come through (and, can I seriously quote Switchfoot any more in this blog?! Actually...yeah, I know I can, haha).
But I know I've been focusing on all that I need to work on, that needs fixing in my life. Which isn't wrong to admit when I'm wrong, and need to be made right.
But what about the little God-given successes in my life, within this challenge?
Today has been full of little accomplishments, getting things done here before work. And it feels great to get stuff done. So I've reflected some on what little accomplishments have been goin' on with this challenge so far.
For instance, yeah, I know I need to focus on loving Him first with all my heart, mind and soul. Like, I could definitely be doing that more.
But in regards to that, I can say this: there's quite a bit I've given up to spend more time with God.
For example, my morning routine typically consists of turning on the TV while making tea and breakfast. And the TV ends up eating most of my time, because I get sucked in to whatever I'm watching that my morning routine takes twice as long as it should.
But lately, I've kept it off, and brought my Bible out with me instead.
I'm not trying to brag, but this is seriously a huge improvement for me. Definitely wouldn't have been doing that this time last year.
Another little success is, even though God's not on my mind 24/7, I do think of Him more. A lot of it is mostly little silent prayers. Or wondering what He's gonna do with my life, the lives of my friends, hopes, dreams, etc. And constantly being reminded that no matter what happens, He will remain faithful to the end.
I think that's all I can think of right now...but success is a beautiful thing, no matter how small.
And it's good to think of these things. The more I focus on the negative, the less inspired I am.
God's beauty shown today?
Think of past successes, where His hand has been. They are reminders of His faithfulness and love, where He's been tweaking this rough, messy sketch to paint a picture of something bigger and better than what I see right now.
I mean, I still definitely feel like I could do so much more. I know I've made such a "mess of me" that I want to see where God's beauty will come through (and, can I seriously quote Switchfoot any more in this blog?! Actually...yeah, I know I can, haha).
But I know I've been focusing on all that I need to work on, that needs fixing in my life. Which isn't wrong to admit when I'm wrong, and need to be made right.
But what about the little God-given successes in my life, within this challenge?
Today has been full of little accomplishments, getting things done here before work. And it feels great to get stuff done. So I've reflected some on what little accomplishments have been goin' on with this challenge so far.
For instance, yeah, I know I need to focus on loving Him first with all my heart, mind and soul. Like, I could definitely be doing that more.
But in regards to that, I can say this: there's quite a bit I've given up to spend more time with God.
For example, my morning routine typically consists of turning on the TV while making tea and breakfast. And the TV ends up eating most of my time, because I get sucked in to whatever I'm watching that my morning routine takes twice as long as it should.
But lately, I've kept it off, and brought my Bible out with me instead.
I'm not trying to brag, but this is seriously a huge improvement for me. Definitely wouldn't have been doing that this time last year.
Another little success is, even though God's not on my mind 24/7, I do think of Him more. A lot of it is mostly little silent prayers. Or wondering what He's gonna do with my life, the lives of my friends, hopes, dreams, etc. And constantly being reminded that no matter what happens, He will remain faithful to the end.
I think that's all I can think of right now...but success is a beautiful thing, no matter how small.
And it's good to think of these things. The more I focus on the negative, the less inspired I am.
God's beauty shown today?
Think of past successes, where His hand has been. They are reminders of His faithfulness and love, where He's been tweaking this rough, messy sketch to paint a picture of something bigger and better than what I see right now.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 21 - More Learning Experiences
Today was fairly normal, really. Althought, I felt a lot more accomplished, because I was able to buy fabric to redo my curtains with. They finally match my room's color scheme, red and white.
But there were so many times today when I got super impatient and, well, bratty.
All these frustrations kept happening one after another. For instance, when sewing something, you put the outside pieces facing each other. That way, once you flip it inside-out, you don't see the seams.
This is an elementary piece of knowledge for seamstresses. In other words, sewing those curtains should have been a no-brainer.
But then I go and waste thread sewing parts of it that, once turned inside-out, are wrong, and then I have to unstitch everything and start over. Or I run out of bobbin thread, and when I try to refill the bobbin, the thread get's loose and caught up around the twirly-thingamajig that the bobbin sets on, and then I keep dropping the bobbin so that I have to rewind the threat around it 50 times.
If it wasn't one thing, it was ten.
Needless to say, sewing those curtains took way longer than they should have, and I was not happy. I just wanted them done so I could wash 'em and see 'em hung up.
There were a few times during the day that I prayed, asking God to give me some serious help.
In reality, I think He was laughing. Because deep down, I expected instant help. And I bet all the while He was saying, "If you want instant gratification, take more zoloft."
You know how if you ask God for patience, He's not gonna straight up give you patience, but give you opportunities to be patient?
Yeah, that was my whole day.
Maybe I didn't quite ask for the right thing. Maybe I should have said, "Give me the grace to not kill anyone today, or throw this sewing machine out the window."
I mean...I didn't do either of those things...but still.
No, He gave me plenty of chances to sit back, take a deep breath, realize this is not the end of the world, that these curtains would get done, nothing to freak out about.
Had my chance, muffed it.
I guess it's got me thinking, it's kinda nice to have a loving Father who gives us so many chances to redeem ourselves. And that He doesn't mind when we ask Him for help. I think He absolutely relishes honesty and reliance on Him. Doesn't mean He's going to give us instant-nothing-can-go-wrong pills. But He gives us a chance to grow in a legit way.
Now...to put this into practice, part II: dealings with my mother.
(Seriously, I really do love you, mom. I'm sorry I'm a brat, and that I snap at you all the time. I know you don't do the things you do to exasperate me, and you don't deserve such harsh treatment from a failure daughter like me. I can't promise that I'll never snap at you again, but I can say that I want to try to give you the benefit of the doubt. It's not fair that you should be treated the way I treat you, when you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. I hope you know that I've never hated you, even when I'm in a bad mood.)
But there were so many times today when I got super impatient and, well, bratty.
All these frustrations kept happening one after another. For instance, when sewing something, you put the outside pieces facing each other. That way, once you flip it inside-out, you don't see the seams.
This is an elementary piece of knowledge for seamstresses. In other words, sewing those curtains should have been a no-brainer.
But then I go and waste thread sewing parts of it that, once turned inside-out, are wrong, and then I have to unstitch everything and start over. Or I run out of bobbin thread, and when I try to refill the bobbin, the thread get's loose and caught up around the twirly-thingamajig that the bobbin sets on, and then I keep dropping the bobbin so that I have to rewind the threat around it 50 times.
If it wasn't one thing, it was ten.
Needless to say, sewing those curtains took way longer than they should have, and I was not happy. I just wanted them done so I could wash 'em and see 'em hung up.
There were a few times during the day that I prayed, asking God to give me some serious help.
In reality, I think He was laughing. Because deep down, I expected instant help. And I bet all the while He was saying, "If you want instant gratification, take more zoloft."
You know how if you ask God for patience, He's not gonna straight up give you patience, but give you opportunities to be patient?
Yeah, that was my whole day.
Maybe I didn't quite ask for the right thing. Maybe I should have said, "Give me the grace to not kill anyone today, or throw this sewing machine out the window."
I mean...I didn't do either of those things...but still.
No, He gave me plenty of chances to sit back, take a deep breath, realize this is not the end of the world, that these curtains would get done, nothing to freak out about.
Had my chance, muffed it.
I guess it's got me thinking, it's kinda nice to have a loving Father who gives us so many chances to redeem ourselves. And that He doesn't mind when we ask Him for help. I think He absolutely relishes honesty and reliance on Him. Doesn't mean He's going to give us instant-nothing-can-go-wrong pills. But He gives us a chance to grow in a legit way.
Now...to put this into practice, part II: dealings with my mother.
(Seriously, I really do love you, mom. I'm sorry I'm a brat, and that I snap at you all the time. I know you don't do the things you do to exasperate me, and you don't deserve such harsh treatment from a failure daughter like me. I can't promise that I'll never snap at you again, but I can say that I want to try to give you the benefit of the doubt. It's not fair that you should be treated the way I treat you, when you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. I hope you know that I've never hated you, even when I'm in a bad mood.)
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 20 - Good Friends, God's Hand
Seriously, today was full of win (as one of said good friends would say).
It was a much needed girls' day/night out, after an awesome church service.
All week, I've been having all kinds of confusion and doubt.
I think the major thing is I've just been feeling so worn out and burdened. And I'm starting to think of this walk with Yeshua as more of a chore. Which makes it seem more like a burden than a relationship.
And Yeshua even says that His yoke is easy, His burden light (Matt. 11:30).
So why do I feel heavy-laden, wrestless and weary?
I think the main reason for that is I'm over-complicating it. I know I've said before that I need to get back to basics, but I think I'm a bit at a loss as to how. I have all this worry, all this stuff on my mind. And it keeps me from finding and recieving that rest and peace that only God can offer and provide me with about it all.
So, all this is running through my head this week, and then at church today, pretty much all that was addressed was all that I've been thinking about and trying to figure out lately. I'm still in a state of "Whoa..." about it. 'Cause I seriously love it when God does that.
Plus, got to see my dear friends, Carley and Lizzy before Lizzy heads back to her college far, far away. It was so nice having a girls' time out, venting and ranting and encouraging one-another. I don't get to do that often, so it was definitely a time of release, and a time to lift up and be lifted up.
The Lord's hand is on all of our lives, and I know I'm seeing it in theirs, as they've said they're seeing it in mine. And it's awesome.
God works through mysterious ways sometimes. It's amazing what one sermon can do, and how special friends can make such a difference. Today was a God-given testimony to how much He loves us to put special people in our lives, and that sometimes if we wait for answers instead of forcing them to appear, He'll give them in such abundance anc clarity that we know Who it's from.
It was a much needed girls' day/night out, after an awesome church service.
All week, I've been having all kinds of confusion and doubt.
I think the major thing is I've just been feeling so worn out and burdened. And I'm starting to think of this walk with Yeshua as more of a chore. Which makes it seem more like a burden than a relationship.
And Yeshua even says that His yoke is easy, His burden light (Matt. 11:30).
So why do I feel heavy-laden, wrestless and weary?
I think the main reason for that is I'm over-complicating it. I know I've said before that I need to get back to basics, but I think I'm a bit at a loss as to how. I have all this worry, all this stuff on my mind. And it keeps me from finding and recieving that rest and peace that only God can offer and provide me with about it all.
So, all this is running through my head this week, and then at church today, pretty much all that was addressed was all that I've been thinking about and trying to figure out lately. I'm still in a state of "Whoa..." about it. 'Cause I seriously love it when God does that.
Plus, got to see my dear friends, Carley and Lizzy before Lizzy heads back to her college far, far away. It was so nice having a girls' time out, venting and ranting and encouraging one-another. I don't get to do that often, so it was definitely a time of release, and a time to lift up and be lifted up.
The Lord's hand is on all of our lives, and I know I'm seeing it in theirs, as they've said they're seeing it in mine. And it's awesome.
God works through mysterious ways sometimes. It's amazing what one sermon can do, and how special friends can make such a difference. Today was a God-given testimony to how much He loves us to put special people in our lives, and that sometimes if we wait for answers instead of forcing them to appear, He'll give them in such abundance anc clarity that we know Who it's from.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 19 - For Lack of Better Title....
I have way too much on my mind right now.
And a lot of it is really just me feeling like I'm on some kind of pedestal right now, because I'm realizing how full of it my thoughts are.
Like, I've got my own biased opinions about stuff going on. And I'm stubborn and don't want to agree or listen to other people's opinions, whether I'm in the right or not.
For what ever reason, my pride is all puffed up.
And I need someone to literally knock me off that pedestal I'm on.
Because my thoughts won't stop. They're going too fast and too much at once, and I can't seem to calm down.
Maybe I've just had too much caffeine.
Maybe I'm just too excited about all the good stuff coming up, like hanging with my friends tomorrow.
But all this pride and excitement is starting to really exhaust me.
And I really think, along with getting back to the basics in life, maybe I need to be humbled.
Because I'm realizing how super stubborn I'm being right now. All because I'm too proud to really care.
God help me, because this pride is blinding me to what You have to really show me.
And a lot of it is really just me feeling like I'm on some kind of pedestal right now, because I'm realizing how full of it my thoughts are.
Like, I've got my own biased opinions about stuff going on. And I'm stubborn and don't want to agree or listen to other people's opinions, whether I'm in the right or not.
For what ever reason, my pride is all puffed up.
And I need someone to literally knock me off that pedestal I'm on.
Because my thoughts won't stop. They're going too fast and too much at once, and I can't seem to calm down.
Maybe I've just had too much caffeine.
Maybe I'm just too excited about all the good stuff coming up, like hanging with my friends tomorrow.
But all this pride and excitement is starting to really exhaust me.
And I really think, along with getting back to the basics in life, maybe I need to be humbled.
Because I'm realizing how super stubborn I'm being right now. All because I'm too proud to really care.
God help me, because this pride is blinding me to what You have to really show me.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 18 - Back to Basics
I came home this evening a wreck.
I mean, maybe not at first. I was chattering away with pops about stuff before he went to bed.
But after a few minutes, it's like suddenly I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. Didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone. Just complete silence and space.
I get like that when I've been around people all day. Doesn't even have to be a crowd of people. One or two people will do me in.
And especially after work, I need to seriously cool down for a little while, and the last people I want to be around are the ones who stress me out the most at home.
So...I let it show. After a few minutes of being in the house, I didn't really care how pissed off I looked or acted, I wanted everyone around me to leave.
Finally, after a little while (and an awesome gourmet grilled cheese sandwhich), I went to my room, and finally came to grips with how ridiculous and selfish I acted.
I feel totally justified in my actions. So really, I'm not that sorry.
Which isn't good, is it? Especially when I've been trying to make an effort to be better and grow.
And I've been feeling like, especially in this area of my life where I'm finding it hard to tolerate my family's quirks and presence, that whenever I ask God for help, He's not giving it. Even though this is seriously something I can't do on my own.
It feels like their quirks get harder and harder to tolerate.
Maybe I just need more pills.
Or maybe God is trying to tell me something.
I think He's trying to tell me how to get back to basics. Which is something I've felt I need to do.
If I'm feeling like His burden and yoke are heavy, then something is wrong.
I think I'm overcomplicating it all. And this is God's way of telling me...maybe?
I don't think He's forcing my family to annoy the crap out of me. But I think He may be using my frustrations with them to teach me how much I blow it all out of proportion. I mean, they're little quirks. So why do I make such a huge deal out of them?
His yoke is easy, His burden light.
So why do I feel heavy-laden and weary?
I mean, maybe not at first. I was chattering away with pops about stuff before he went to bed.
But after a few minutes, it's like suddenly I just wanted everyone to leave me alone. Didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone. Just complete silence and space.
I get like that when I've been around people all day. Doesn't even have to be a crowd of people. One or two people will do me in.
And especially after work, I need to seriously cool down for a little while, and the last people I want to be around are the ones who stress me out the most at home.
So...I let it show. After a few minutes of being in the house, I didn't really care how pissed off I looked or acted, I wanted everyone around me to leave.
Finally, after a little while (and an awesome gourmet grilled cheese sandwhich), I went to my room, and finally came to grips with how ridiculous and selfish I acted.
I feel totally justified in my actions. So really, I'm not that sorry.
Which isn't good, is it? Especially when I've been trying to make an effort to be better and grow.
And I've been feeling like, especially in this area of my life where I'm finding it hard to tolerate my family's quirks and presence, that whenever I ask God for help, He's not giving it. Even though this is seriously something I can't do on my own.
It feels like their quirks get harder and harder to tolerate.
Maybe I just need more pills.
Or maybe God is trying to tell me something.
I think He's trying to tell me how to get back to basics. Which is something I've felt I need to do.
If I'm feeling like His burden and yoke are heavy, then something is wrong.
I think I'm overcomplicating it all. And this is God's way of telling me...maybe?
I don't think He's forcing my family to annoy the crap out of me. But I think He may be using my frustrations with them to teach me how much I blow it all out of proportion. I mean, they're little quirks. So why do I make such a huge deal out of them?
His yoke is easy, His burden light.
So why do I feel heavy-laden and weary?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 17 - Not Just for Me
I've been focusing on me me me throughout these past 2 1/2 weeks.
I think it's time to own that God's beauty this month isn't all mine. He's not just teaching me stuff. He's teaching other people, whether they're a part of this challenge or not.
I've seen His hand in my friends' lives, and I know His hand will always be in their lives.
I've seen prayers answered in their lives, watched all of us grow and learn.
I know it's been a bumpy road for all of us. We've each had our individual ins and outs. For instance (back to me, heh), where I'm at now in my life I never would have thought I'd be this time last year.
This time last year, I was giving up. I'd had it with everything.
Life, and love, and why
Child, adult, then die
All of your hoping and all of your searching
for what?
Yeah.
I think I can say that many of my dear friends aren't where they thought they'd be this time last year.
But I've noticed a trend in them: they all seem to be growing closer to God.
And you have no idea how much that touches me, that we're all kinda in the same place...?
If that makes sense.
So many of my younger friends are changing and growing too. They have this "life" in their eyes that I wish I had had at their age.
My little brother is making his way in the world, and playing his heart out on the guitar. I know God is going to do great things in his life.
Where has God's hand been in all of your lives?
I think it's beautiful that He can draw us together as we all grow in Him.
I think it's time to own that God's beauty this month isn't all mine. He's not just teaching me stuff. He's teaching other people, whether they're a part of this challenge or not.
I've seen His hand in my friends' lives, and I know His hand will always be in their lives.
I've seen prayers answered in their lives, watched all of us grow and learn.
I know it's been a bumpy road for all of us. We've each had our individual ins and outs. For instance (back to me, heh), where I'm at now in my life I never would have thought I'd be this time last year.
This time last year, I was giving up. I'd had it with everything.
Life, and love, and why
Child, adult, then die
All of your hoping and all of your searching
for what?
Yeah.
I think I can say that many of my dear friends aren't where they thought they'd be this time last year.
But I've noticed a trend in them: they all seem to be growing closer to God.
And you have no idea how much that touches me, that we're all kinda in the same place...?
If that makes sense.
So many of my younger friends are changing and growing too. They have this "life" in their eyes that I wish I had had at their age.
My little brother is making his way in the world, and playing his heart out on the guitar. I know God is going to do great things in his life.
Where has God's hand been in all of your lives?
I think it's beautiful that He can draw us together as we all grow in Him.
Beauty of God: Day 16 - Hope, Sweet Hope
I've been so excited for autumn.
Like, you have know idea.
The weather lately have been a bit cooler, and something in that cool air is whispering the coming of autumn, giving me a slight taste of this wonderful season to come.
I want those leaves to change, I want the crisp cool air, that autumn smell, mulled cider and pumpkin pie.
If you haven't already guessed, my favorite season is autumn.
There's so much excitement. And if you're Jewish or Messianic, you got all those fall feasts happening. Football season, hot chocolate, bonfires, cider, arm-warmers, Thanksgiving (with Christmas just around the corner).
My heart literally leaps in my chest at the thought of it all. I get chills. It's like God giving me a taste of the promised land.
It's also a time for family, friends, fellowship. Which is what makes all these things so exciting and heartwarming and fulfilling. I seriously can't wait to see everyone.
What does this all have to do with God's beauty?
Well...I feel like part of it actually has to do with His character. I know He shows us things that He knows we love (like those clouds...was it yesterday?). I think He also gives us snippets of the joys to come. Like I said, giving us previews of the promised land. Maybe He does it to get us excited for something, get our hearts ready.
So...yeah, I'm super excited. So looking foreword to this season, and hoping for a swift arrival, but that God will prepare my heart for what's ahead during this time of waiting.
Like, you have know idea.
The weather lately have been a bit cooler, and something in that cool air is whispering the coming of autumn, giving me a slight taste of this wonderful season to come.
I want those leaves to change, I want the crisp cool air, that autumn smell, mulled cider and pumpkin pie.
If you haven't already guessed, my favorite season is autumn.
There's so much excitement. And if you're Jewish or Messianic, you got all those fall feasts happening. Football season, hot chocolate, bonfires, cider, arm-warmers, Thanksgiving (with Christmas just around the corner).
My heart literally leaps in my chest at the thought of it all. I get chills. It's like God giving me a taste of the promised land.
It's also a time for family, friends, fellowship. Which is what makes all these things so exciting and heartwarming and fulfilling. I seriously can't wait to see everyone.
What does this all have to do with God's beauty?
Well...I feel like part of it actually has to do with His character. I know He shows us things that He knows we love (like those clouds...was it yesterday?). I think He also gives us snippets of the joys to come. Like I said, giving us previews of the promised land. Maybe He does it to get us excited for something, get our hearts ready.
So...yeah, I'm super excited. So looking foreword to this season, and hoping for a swift arrival, but that God will prepare my heart for what's ahead during this time of waiting.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 15 - God Knows Me Too Well
Kind of an understatement, huh?
I mean, duh, He knows everyone deeply.
He knows what I like, what I don't like, what makes me shiver and what gives me goosebumps, and what takes my breath away.
He shared with me huge, billowy white clouds coming up over the treeline at the top of my street.
This may not seem like much to anyone else, but those are my favorite kinds of clouds. When they're almost mountain-like, huge and majestic.
The Lord knows what all of us love, what puts us in awe of His splendor.
And I believe He loves to share it with us. He doesn't hoard all His glory away, He wants us to really see His beauty.
I guess we just have to chose to pay attention, or His beauty shown, however great or small, will pass us on by.
I mean, duh, He knows everyone deeply.
He knows what I like, what I don't like, what makes me shiver and what gives me goosebumps, and what takes my breath away.
He shared with me huge, billowy white clouds coming up over the treeline at the top of my street.
This may not seem like much to anyone else, but those are my favorite kinds of clouds. When they're almost mountain-like, huge and majestic.
The Lord knows what all of us love, what puts us in awe of His splendor.
And I believe He loves to share it with us. He doesn't hoard all His glory away, He wants us to really see His beauty.
I guess we just have to chose to pay attention, or His beauty shown, however great or small, will pass us on by.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 14 - Ever Have One of Those Moments...
...where you were pouring your heart out to God, confused as all get out, wondering what it is you're waiting for, if the wait is worth it, etc., etc., asking God for some kind of sign or hint that there's hope, feeling like it's not going to happen...and then it does?
I'm kind of dumbfounded right now, as a result of aforementioned position.
There are a lot of things I'm super confused about right now. Most of it involves my future.
I shouldn't worry about it, but I do.
I kind of hate that God knows the end result, and I don't.
He knows what the wait is for, but I'm just here...waiting.
I understand that the wait can produce much fruit if I would let it.
But when dry spells, even small ones, occur, I suddenly feel like I'm just wasting my time.
I wonder if any of this is worth it.
I wonder of this is cut out for me. If I'm really meant for all this.
If hoping is futile, because it's all gonna come crashing down on me anyway.
Then I wonder if I'm even hoping for the right things, with the right state of heart and mind.
I laid all my questions and concerns down. Actually, I wrote them all down in a list. Came to 34 questions and concerns and worries, most of all pretaining to whether or not I'm listening to the voice of truth, or the lie.
I asked God for a sign.
Actually...I told HIM that I needed a sign.
Isn't He the One who's supposed to tell us what we need?
So, I also asked for just a hint. A hint that there is a point in hoping or not. To go foreword or step back.
And He gave it.
Not right away, not right when I asked for it, but after I poured it all out and rummaged through the Bible (because, you know, if it's the handbook to life, won't it have something relating to what I'm going through?).
After all that, His sliver of hope, a slight hint came.
God...I know You hear me now. Forgive me for freaking out and making a big deal over this. You have proven your faithfulness before, and Your hope, but I forgot.
I don't want to forget again. It's too painful.
Thank You for coming through for me. I feel like I - actually, I know I don't deserve what You just did, especially after all the complaining and blaming I did earlier.
You have given me a joy and a hope that I had forgotten.
I hope this will draw me closer to You and not farther away.
Thank You, so, so much. I love you Lord so very much. I wish I knew how to express that better, especially right now.
"You have turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and
clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to You and not
be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give You
thanks forever."
Psalm 30:11
I'm kind of dumbfounded right now, as a result of aforementioned position.
There are a lot of things I'm super confused about right now. Most of it involves my future.
I shouldn't worry about it, but I do.
I kind of hate that God knows the end result, and I don't.
He knows what the wait is for, but I'm just here...waiting.
I understand that the wait can produce much fruit if I would let it.
But when dry spells, even small ones, occur, I suddenly feel like I'm just wasting my time.
I wonder if any of this is worth it.
I wonder of this is cut out for me. If I'm really meant for all this.
If hoping is futile, because it's all gonna come crashing down on me anyway.
Then I wonder if I'm even hoping for the right things, with the right state of heart and mind.
I laid all my questions and concerns down. Actually, I wrote them all down in a list. Came to 34 questions and concerns and worries, most of all pretaining to whether or not I'm listening to the voice of truth, or the lie.
I asked God for a sign.
Actually...I told HIM that I needed a sign.
Isn't He the One who's supposed to tell us what we need?
So, I also asked for just a hint. A hint that there is a point in hoping or not. To go foreword or step back.
And He gave it.
Not right away, not right when I asked for it, but after I poured it all out and rummaged through the Bible (because, you know, if it's the handbook to life, won't it have something relating to what I'm going through?).
After all that, His sliver of hope, a slight hint came.
God...I know You hear me now. Forgive me for freaking out and making a big deal over this. You have proven your faithfulness before, and Your hope, but I forgot.
I don't want to forget again. It's too painful.
Thank You for coming through for me. I feel like I - actually, I know I don't deserve what You just did, especially after all the complaining and blaming I did earlier.
You have given me a joy and a hope that I had forgotten.
I hope this will draw me closer to You and not farther away.
Thank You, so, so much. I love you Lord so very much. I wish I knew how to express that better, especially right now.
"You have turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and
clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to You and not
be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give You
thanks forever."
Psalm 30:11
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 13 - Just...Today.
I feel like today was full of God's faithfulness, design, and reminding us what community is as a body of believers.
I was reminded today how salvation is not just for me, but for my household.
Was encouraged and blessed by many (and hopeful that I have blessed them in return).
And was reminded that it's not about what I'm doing, what I'm learning, or that I even love Yeshua.
It's about HIS love, and what HE'S doing.
This is a really short update tonight, but I just wanted to share that, because I woke up this morning unsure as to what the day would bring. All I knew was that I felt stressed, and in much need of sleep.
But God always proves Himself beyond our expectations.
Granted, there are still things in life I'm very unsure of, and I feel like I'm failing miserably in this whole "waiting on God's timing" thing. What's that called...patience?
And it figures that's this weekend's devotional I found in a magazine here at the house.
So, all that to say, as unsure as I am about a lot of things, God really is faithful and will come through.
"Something happens when you call on the name of Jesus."
I was reminded today how salvation is not just for me, but for my household.
Was encouraged and blessed by many (and hopeful that I have blessed them in return).
And was reminded that it's not about what I'm doing, what I'm learning, or that I even love Yeshua.
It's about HIS love, and what HE'S doing.
This is a really short update tonight, but I just wanted to share that, because I woke up this morning unsure as to what the day would bring. All I knew was that I felt stressed, and in much need of sleep.
But God always proves Himself beyond our expectations.
Granted, there are still things in life I'm very unsure of, and I feel like I'm failing miserably in this whole "waiting on God's timing" thing. What's that called...patience?
And it figures that's this weekend's devotional I found in a magazine here at the house.
So, all that to say, as unsure as I am about a lot of things, God really is faithful and will come through.
"Something happens when you call on the name of Jesus."
Friday, August 12, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 12 - I Almost Didn't Update....
Because I couldn't think of anything.
But then I remembered, it's not how big or small, it's the fact that God is beautiful, and has many beautiful attributes.
So, how has His beauty been revealed to me today?
One, through my dog, Stitch.
Look at my little girl. Ain't she adorable?
I took her with me when I went to AC Moore to buy some foam board to mount a whole bunch of photography and art prints needed for tomorrow (or, rather, today....).
This dog seriously brings me so much joy.
I don't understand why she gets as enthusiastic to see me as she does.
Why would anyone be happy to see me?
I'm clumsy.
I often have a short fuse.
I feel like I'm too much for people.
I don't make much sense when I talk.
And yet, this dog about all but pees herself whenever I walk through the door.
When she's happy, I'm happy.
Whenever I leave for work, she follows me to the garage, with a half mournful, half hopeful face.
I think, really, she just wants to go for a car ride.
But I think also, she knows when I'm leaving to go somewhere, and she knows she can't come with me.
And even when I leave her for a minute to go and get the mail, she acts like I had been gone all day.
So...this kind of got me thinking: is God that happy when we come back to Him, whether it be after years and years of wandering, or just a few minutes of prayer?
I'm not trying to bring God down the the level of a dog by any means. But I do believe He made these creatures, and other animals, for a special purpose, to teach us what raw emotion is like.
When we invite Yeshua in to our hearts, is it anything similar to the exhuberance shown when I say, "Stitch, wanna go for a ride?"
Oh, how her ears prick foreword, and she just dances and whines and wags her tail. Sometimes, I feel like she's going to explode.
So, if a dog can be that excited for a person, why don't we always get that excited for Yeshua?
I think it's because we're not full of just "raw" emotion.
We let complications get in the way.
But the Spirit of Joy has got to be one of the most beautiful attributes of our Lord. If He has bestowed it upon us, why don't we give some of it back to Him?
If that makes sense.
But then I remembered, it's not how big or small, it's the fact that God is beautiful, and has many beautiful attributes.
So, how has His beauty been revealed to me today?
One, through my dog, Stitch.
Look at my little girl. Ain't she adorable?
I took her with me when I went to AC Moore to buy some foam board to mount a whole bunch of photography and art prints needed for tomorrow (or, rather, today....).
This dog seriously brings me so much joy.
I don't understand why she gets as enthusiastic to see me as she does.
Why would anyone be happy to see me?
I'm clumsy.
I often have a short fuse.
I feel like I'm too much for people.
I don't make much sense when I talk.
And yet, this dog about all but pees herself whenever I walk through the door.
When she's happy, I'm happy.
Whenever I leave for work, she follows me to the garage, with a half mournful, half hopeful face.
I think, really, she just wants to go for a car ride.
But I think also, she knows when I'm leaving to go somewhere, and she knows she can't come with me.
And even when I leave her for a minute to go and get the mail, she acts like I had been gone all day.
So...this kind of got me thinking: is God that happy when we come back to Him, whether it be after years and years of wandering, or just a few minutes of prayer?
I'm not trying to bring God down the the level of a dog by any means. But I do believe He made these creatures, and other animals, for a special purpose, to teach us what raw emotion is like.
When we invite Yeshua in to our hearts, is it anything similar to the exhuberance shown when I say, "Stitch, wanna go for a ride?"
Oh, how her ears prick foreword, and she just dances and whines and wags her tail. Sometimes, I feel like she's going to explode.
So, if a dog can be that excited for a person, why don't we always get that excited for Yeshua?
I think it's because we're not full of just "raw" emotion.
We let complications get in the way.
But the Spirit of Joy has got to be one of the most beautiful attributes of our Lord. If He has bestowed it upon us, why don't we give some of it back to Him?
If that makes sense.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 11 - Hebrews 2 Finally Hit Home!
(I really hope this update makes sense. I feel like I haven't been making much sense lately.)
So, I've been reading Hebrews 2 for the past few days.
Because, for some reason or other, I could not understand it.
I don't know if there was a reason behind that other than my own stupidity, but seriously, for some reason I was having a super hard time figuring out what it all meant.
Then I read it again today at work. Or, after work...but I was still there...but that's not important.
What's important is that I finally understand it now.
And I'm finding it super profound.
Maybe I'm being like one of those Believers who live in a bubble and are always so happy and exhuberantly finding every single piece of scripture amazing.
And if that bothers you...tough. Not everyone can understand something the first time they read it.
Because I'm seriously finding the meaning of Hebrews 2 to be super amazing.
It's a beautiful example of God's relational character.
He didn't have to come to earth as a human, you know. I mean, He's God. He could have just snapped His fingers, "understood" what it meant to be human, grabbed a prophet and said, "Ok people, all this sin has to stop, and here's how: I've got this Son, even though you've never seen Him, and He's all part of this whole 'Trinity' thing that I'm sure you'll understand in time, and if you just believe in Him - My Son, I mean - then ya'll can be redeemed!"
Not only would this way have been the easy way out, but none of the Scriptures would have been fulfilled, and Yeshua wouldn't be very easy to relate to at all.
Think about it. When you think of Yeshua, don't you think, "Oh, He died to save my life. He was like us, was tempted like us, and saved us."
But what do you think of when you think of God, without Yeshua?
He's just...God.
The God of the Old Testament.
Not that I'm trying to belittle Him or anything, that's not the point here!
What I'm trying to say is, I don't think we think of God as relational when Yeshua is out of the picture. But because He came as a human, like one of us, and we know that He is God, then it's that much easier to have a relationship with Him.
There's so much more to our salvation in Yeshua Messiah than just the fact that He came and died for our sins.
In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Both the one who makes all men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family.
And it's a beautiful thing, to have a relationship with Him, and He has a beautiful character when it comes to relationships.
So, I've been reading Hebrews 2 for the past few days.
Because, for some reason or other, I could not understand it.
I don't know if there was a reason behind that other than my own stupidity, but seriously, for some reason I was having a super hard time figuring out what it all meant.
Then I read it again today at work. Or, after work...but I was still there...but that's not important.
What's important is that I finally understand it now.
And I'm finding it super profound.
Maybe I'm being like one of those Believers who live in a bubble and are always so happy and exhuberantly finding every single piece of scripture amazing.
And if that bothers you...tough. Not everyone can understand something the first time they read it.
Because I'm seriously finding the meaning of Hebrews 2 to be super amazing.
It's a beautiful example of God's relational character.
He didn't have to come to earth as a human, you know. I mean, He's God. He could have just snapped His fingers, "understood" what it meant to be human, grabbed a prophet and said, "Ok people, all this sin has to stop, and here's how: I've got this Son, even though you've never seen Him, and He's all part of this whole 'Trinity' thing that I'm sure you'll understand in time, and if you just believe in Him - My Son, I mean - then ya'll can be redeemed!"
Not only would this way have been the easy way out, but none of the Scriptures would have been fulfilled, and Yeshua wouldn't be very easy to relate to at all.
Think about it. When you think of Yeshua, don't you think, "Oh, He died to save my life. He was like us, was tempted like us, and saved us."
But what do you think of when you think of God, without Yeshua?
He's just...God.
The God of the Old Testament.
Not that I'm trying to belittle Him or anything, that's not the point here!
What I'm trying to say is, I don't think we think of God as relational when Yeshua is out of the picture. But because He came as a human, like one of us, and we know that He is God, then it's that much easier to have a relationship with Him.
There's so much more to our salvation in Yeshua Messiah than just the fact that He came and died for our sins.
In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Both the one who makes all men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family.
And it's a beautiful thing, to have a relationship with Him, and He has a beautiful character when it comes to relationships.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 10 - Coincidences Don't Exist
Seriously.
They don't.
There was a time not too long ago when I would have believed that everything is just coincidence. But I definitely don't anymore.
And not because anything super amazing happened today.
But because, I think somethin's clickin' in the ol' ticker. Finally.
I guess the main point of it all is how much we take every day we are given for granted.
We just live through - get through - life, and just expect tomorrow to happen.
And the most we get out of our days is if something totally unusual happens - good or bad. (Or that we survived - then we realize we gotta start all over again tomorrow.)
A few minutes ago, I was thinking about how easy it is, for this challenge, to come home after work and reflect on all that God was doing through the day's challenges and achievements.
And then I thought, Why don't I think of this stuff WHILE it's happening?
I've noticed throughout these ten days (TEN DAYS!) that I'm actually getting more out of my day than I usually ever would, because I'm taking time at the end of it to think about it. But why don't I focus more on the work being done in it along the way?
Which lead me to think about how much a day is taken for granted, how nothing is coincidence, etc., etc.
Bear with me while I try to tie all this together.
The lady I work with sat down with me for a while on a break and was telling me the latest update on her sister, who is in the hospital. She is a diabetic. Both her legs and one hand has been amputated. Her eyesight is either just really bad or totally gone. She isn't as coherent as she was. In short, things really don't look good.
My co-worker sat there a second, and said, "How often do we take our feet and hands for granted? I know I don't anymore, not after seeing what my sister's gone through."
As an artist, I would definitely like to keep my hands.
Even moreso, my eyesight.
And yet, I wake up every day expecting my limbs to still be intact, and my eyes to work.
Just as I expect the sun to rise tomorrow.
There's nothing wrong with looking foreword to the future, being prayerfully hopeful and expectant of what the Lord has promised. But I think we take WAY too much in to consideration, that we lose the focus on what's most important in life.
Matthew 6:25-34 is a super familiar passage (and should be ultra-super familiar to me, since I'm pretty boss at worrying).
But I feel like, in context of what's been going on in my head right now, this passage has a slightly new meaning. Hopefully I'm not taking it out of context.
Let me try to explain:
Like Yeshua says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?", who of us by taking everything we see, touch, taste, feel, and hear for granted can add an hour or a day to his or her life? Or add anything more to his or her life?
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness...."
(I know the context here is about food and clothes. But don't we take those for granted too?)
I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like a lot of us - especially me - are going through our days out of focus. We don't live each day "seeking first His kingdom and His righteousness".
We just get through it, worrying about all the little things, taking all for granted, and forgetting who ordained it all.
So, what does this have to do with God's beauty?
I guess it's how nothing in life is coincidence.
When an artist starts a painting, he or she first plans it out. Then comes all the real nitty-gritty sketching, transfering, color, etc.
And every stroke of the brush has a purpose. Every rough sketch is there for a more important reason than to just get an idea out.
And just because the plan is laid, doesn't mean it won't all change tomorrow.
The Lord's beauty has come through an important lesson learned today, and the hope that the rest of my days, however many they may be, will be focused on His hand in them.
I really hope that all made sense. Probably doesn't help that I'm really tired right now.
They don't.
There was a time not too long ago when I would have believed that everything is just coincidence. But I definitely don't anymore.
And not because anything super amazing happened today.
But because, I think somethin's clickin' in the ol' ticker. Finally.
I guess the main point of it all is how much we take every day we are given for granted.
We just live through - get through - life, and just expect tomorrow to happen.
And the most we get out of our days is if something totally unusual happens - good or bad. (Or that we survived - then we realize we gotta start all over again tomorrow.)
A few minutes ago, I was thinking about how easy it is, for this challenge, to come home after work and reflect on all that God was doing through the day's challenges and achievements.
And then I thought, Why don't I think of this stuff WHILE it's happening?
I've noticed throughout these ten days (TEN DAYS!) that I'm actually getting more out of my day than I usually ever would, because I'm taking time at the end of it to think about it. But why don't I focus more on the work being done in it along the way?
Which lead me to think about how much a day is taken for granted, how nothing is coincidence, etc., etc.
Bear with me while I try to tie all this together.
The lady I work with sat down with me for a while on a break and was telling me the latest update on her sister, who is in the hospital. She is a diabetic. Both her legs and one hand has been amputated. Her eyesight is either just really bad or totally gone. She isn't as coherent as she was. In short, things really don't look good.
My co-worker sat there a second, and said, "How often do we take our feet and hands for granted? I know I don't anymore, not after seeing what my sister's gone through."
As an artist, I would definitely like to keep my hands.
Even moreso, my eyesight.
And yet, I wake up every day expecting my limbs to still be intact, and my eyes to work.
Just as I expect the sun to rise tomorrow.
There's nothing wrong with looking foreword to the future, being prayerfully hopeful and expectant of what the Lord has promised. But I think we take WAY too much in to consideration, that we lose the focus on what's most important in life.
Matthew 6:25-34 is a super familiar passage (and should be ultra-super familiar to me, since I'm pretty boss at worrying).
But I feel like, in context of what's been going on in my head right now, this passage has a slightly new meaning. Hopefully I'm not taking it out of context.
Let me try to explain:
Like Yeshua says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?", who of us by taking everything we see, touch, taste, feel, and hear for granted can add an hour or a day to his or her life? Or add anything more to his or her life?
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness...."
(I know the context here is about food and clothes. But don't we take those for granted too?)
I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like a lot of us - especially me - are going through our days out of focus. We don't live each day "seeking first His kingdom and His righteousness".
We just get through it, worrying about all the little things, taking all for granted, and forgetting who ordained it all.
So, what does this have to do with God's beauty?
I guess it's how nothing in life is coincidence.
When an artist starts a painting, he or she first plans it out. Then comes all the real nitty-gritty sketching, transfering, color, etc.
And every stroke of the brush has a purpose. Every rough sketch is there for a more important reason than to just get an idea out.
And just because the plan is laid, doesn't mean it won't all change tomorrow.
The Lord's beauty has come through an important lesson learned today, and the hope that the rest of my days, however many they may be, will be focused on His hand in them.
I really hope that all made sense. Probably doesn't help that I'm really tired right now.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 9 - There's Gotta Be More to This, Right?
I knew when I started this challenge, that not every day was gonna be, well, "beautiful."
So it's really no surprise that today was on it's own little roller coaster of goods and bads.
Even the weather didn't know what to do. One minute it's pouring down rain, the next it's sunny like nothin' ever happened.
My goal to wake up early every day this week and accomplish small priorities pretty much failed this morning. And it's only Tuesday, ha.
Actually, no, I did get some things done.
But not as much as I wanted to.
BUT, you know what's funny?
Like, really funny?
I should have seen this hard day coming.
Because my friend was texting me encouraging Bible verses, all about God being there with me, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", and all stuff that has to do with what's been going on in my head lately. Even the little devotinal I read this morning (or was it afternoon?) tied in to the past few days.
So, I should have known that today was gonna be one of those "tests", to see whose truth I was gonna stand on today.
But no, instead of giving it all to God in the first place, I let all the little things bother me.
I let fatigue and headaches in.
Little frustrations, like vacuuming, suddenly were huge obstacles (in my defence, the vacuum cleaner I use is from hell, and I'm ready to send it back where it belongs).
Instead of graciously cleaning up other peoples' messes, I'm grudgingly wiping up coffee stains and emptying liquid-filled trash cans (because no one thinks to dump their drinks out in a sink).
I mean, it's my job (Jimmy Buffet...?) "...to be cleaning up this mess." So I shouldn't be pitching a fit like a little 5 year old. If there weren't messy people in the world, I wouldn't have a job.
Ok, so all that to say, today was frustrating.
But it doesn't mean that I totally "forgot" those Bible verses sent to me, or even the little "devotional" I read today. Which, to be honest, kinda frustrates me even more, because I feel like I failed God big time.
But...there's a point to all of this.
To say it simply, it'll build character.
To go more in depth, God has gone before me, preparing the path ahead to a destination He ordained.
And He's preparing me to reach that destination.
So, it kinda makes sense, albeit in a flustering kind of way, that He allows these trials in our lives.
If you really think about it, what kind of God would we be serving who didn't care enough to allow character to be built in us? In short, He wouldn't be much of a God at all. Not a caring Father like He is.
He wants us to grow, not stay stuck in the same place. That's why He not only calls us out of sin, but on a journey with Him. The path is going to have obstacles, and the more I learn how to get over them now, the less frustrating they'll be in the future (hopefully).
So, all that to say, as tiring and irksome as the day was, I am still able to get something out of it. That's got to count for something, right?
The work God does within the trials we face is beautiful. It's His way of making a mess into a masterpiece.
So it's really no surprise that today was on it's own little roller coaster of goods and bads.
Even the weather didn't know what to do. One minute it's pouring down rain, the next it's sunny like nothin' ever happened.
My goal to wake up early every day this week and accomplish small priorities pretty much failed this morning. And it's only Tuesday, ha.
Actually, no, I did get some things done.
But not as much as I wanted to.
BUT, you know what's funny?
Like, really funny?
I should have seen this hard day coming.
Because my friend was texting me encouraging Bible verses, all about God being there with me, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", and all stuff that has to do with what's been going on in my head lately. Even the little devotinal I read this morning (or was it afternoon?) tied in to the past few days.
So, I should have known that today was gonna be one of those "tests", to see whose truth I was gonna stand on today.
But no, instead of giving it all to God in the first place, I let all the little things bother me.
I let fatigue and headaches in.
Little frustrations, like vacuuming, suddenly were huge obstacles (in my defence, the vacuum cleaner I use is from hell, and I'm ready to send it back where it belongs).
Instead of graciously cleaning up other peoples' messes, I'm grudgingly wiping up coffee stains and emptying liquid-filled trash cans (because no one thinks to dump their drinks out in a sink).
I mean, it's my job (Jimmy Buffet...?) "...to be cleaning up this mess." So I shouldn't be pitching a fit like a little 5 year old. If there weren't messy people in the world, I wouldn't have a job.
Ok, so all that to say, today was frustrating.
But it doesn't mean that I totally "forgot" those Bible verses sent to me, or even the little "devotional" I read today. Which, to be honest, kinda frustrates me even more, because I feel like I failed God big time.
But...there's a point to all of this.
To say it simply, it'll build character.
To go more in depth, God has gone before me, preparing the path ahead to a destination He ordained.
And He's preparing me to reach that destination.
So, it kinda makes sense, albeit in a flustering kind of way, that He allows these trials in our lives.
If you really think about it, what kind of God would we be serving who didn't care enough to allow character to be built in us? In short, He wouldn't be much of a God at all. Not a caring Father like He is.
He wants us to grow, not stay stuck in the same place. That's why He not only calls us out of sin, but on a journey with Him. The path is going to have obstacles, and the more I learn how to get over them now, the less frustrating they'll be in the future (hopefully).
So, all that to say, as tiring and irksome as the day was, I am still able to get something out of it. That's got to count for something, right?
The work God does within the trials we face is beautiful. It's His way of making a mess into a masterpiece.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 8 - Small Steps, Big Picture
I know I had touched on beauty in the simple things in life.
I believe small steps towards transition and bettering one's self count.
But let me try to put that in a less-unGodly, "unity with the self" way.
Like I've said before, God is seriously challenging me this month.
And part of it is to see what I'm made of.
But I need to start small, and that's ok.
For instance, I made a list of my priorities last night, and a "to-do" list for today.
I made these lists as motivational as possible, with little reminders like, "God is in control!" and "Nothin' to get burnt out about!"
Because I need to remind myself of these things constantly.
Anyway, my priorities list is mainly to have a physical list of what is most important right now, such as Bible studies and illustrations. For some reason, having it out in front of me rather than just in my head is freeing.
My to-do list is to help me reach my goals. Again, freeing up my mind to think of other, more important things than my mental to-do list that just keeps growing and growing.
Rather than adding to my tangible to-do list, it's made up of my most important priorities.
But "most important" doesn't mean huge.
It's stuff like, "Work on illustrations - transfer sketches" and "Cut out photos".
I'm not writing stuff like, "Finish 1 illustration today."
I'm starting small.
And reminding myself that all these things will get done, Lord willing. Because He is in control of it all, and smaller steps are better than none at all.
I think the bottom line here is accepting that I can't do it all. That sometimes, I need to take a step back, look at all I've got going on, re-evaluate what's really more important, and let God take control. And remember that every small step counts in this journey.
Because today was one of the most worry-free days I've had in a long time. I know I can't do it all, but I know that in taking these small steps to getting more done, I'll know what I'm made of.
God is stretching me. There are gonna be days where I feel overwhelmed and super stressed beyond my limits.
But I'm not trying to live up to MY limit, and MY potential, however great or small.
I'm trying to live up to the One who gave me any kind of potential in the first place.
And in order to reach it, I've gotta take these small steps.
There is beauty in growth. It's not about reaching the goal so much as attaining the little blessings along the way that come from learning and growing.
That's when you find out what you're made of.
I believe small steps towards transition and bettering one's self count.
But let me try to put that in a less-unGodly, "unity with the self" way.
Like I've said before, God is seriously challenging me this month.
And part of it is to see what I'm made of.
But I need to start small, and that's ok.
For instance, I made a list of my priorities last night, and a "to-do" list for today.
I made these lists as motivational as possible, with little reminders like, "God is in control!" and "Nothin' to get burnt out about!"
Because I need to remind myself of these things constantly.
Anyway, my priorities list is mainly to have a physical list of what is most important right now, such as Bible studies and illustrations. For some reason, having it out in front of me rather than just in my head is freeing.
My to-do list is to help me reach my goals. Again, freeing up my mind to think of other, more important things than my mental to-do list that just keeps growing and growing.
Rather than adding to my tangible to-do list, it's made up of my most important priorities.
But "most important" doesn't mean huge.
It's stuff like, "Work on illustrations - transfer sketches" and "Cut out photos".
I'm not writing stuff like, "Finish 1 illustration today."
I'm starting small.
And reminding myself that all these things will get done, Lord willing. Because He is in control of it all, and smaller steps are better than none at all.
I think the bottom line here is accepting that I can't do it all. That sometimes, I need to take a step back, look at all I've got going on, re-evaluate what's really more important, and let God take control. And remember that every small step counts in this journey.
Because today was one of the most worry-free days I've had in a long time. I know I can't do it all, but I know that in taking these small steps to getting more done, I'll know what I'm made of.
God is stretching me. There are gonna be days where I feel overwhelmed and super stressed beyond my limits.
But I'm not trying to live up to MY limit, and MY potential, however great or small.
I'm trying to live up to the One who gave me any kind of potential in the first place.
And in order to reach it, I've gotta take these small steps.
There is beauty in growth. It's not about reaching the goal so much as attaining the little blessings along the way that come from learning and growing.
That's when you find out what you're made of.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 7 - Burnt Out...Not So Bright, Really
I think there's a huge re-occuring theme going on this month.
Worry.
Or, learning not to worry.
Which is really hard for someone like me, who worries about and overcomplicates everything.
For example, I have so much that I need to do: get important projects done (like illustrations), design a logo for my pastor, as well as keep up with having devotionals and Bible studies.
To top it all off, I've volunteered/been volunteered to display and sell some artwork and photography (and maybe some textiles)for a fundraiser. And it's super short notice, which is driving me nuts.
My job has taken a lot out of me, and I'm still adjusting to the schedule. I work late, then can't sleep till later, then sleep all day till I only have about four hours left of it before work again.
And it's driving me nuts, because I can't get into any projects without having to stop and get ready for work (or taking a nap).
My weekends keep filling up with stuff. And I can't make up my mind if I want a weekend free to finish these projects, or free to do whatever I want, like hanging out and talking with friends, giving them quality time. Or painting for me, because I haven't dont that in a long time either, and I miss it.
It's burning me out.
But...this isn't the end.
This doesn't have to be as complicated as I'm making it out to be.
I'm so worried that I won't be able to finish anything, so I'm afraid to start anything.
But a thought came to me: it will all get done.
If God has ordained it, nothing can prevent it from happening, except myself.
And it's ok to start small.
That's something I've been learning as far as Bible studies go. For a while, I WAS starting small, picking at short sections within chapters. Then I started rushing them, because I suddenly decided I wanted to learn faster.
But that's not how God always works, is it?
He doesn't always immediately make things happen, you know?
Kinda like, just because I have the idea in my head doesn't make a painting immediately appear. I have to go through the process of sketching it out, planning, transferring, and then start with layers of color until it's finished. And it's a journey.
I think that's my issue, why I worry. I want things to be immediately done, so that I'll have more time to get other things done. But that's not how life works. I have to go through the desert to reach the promised land.
And nothing is impossible, because with God, all things are possible.
So why should I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need.
You know what I need
Your love is,
Your love is,
Your love is strong
...Two things You told me
That You are strong
and You love me
- Jon Foreman, Your Love is Strong
God knows I want to finish these projects. He's teaching me that it's ok to start small. No need to worry or burn myself out about it.
Love Him first, with all my heart, mind, and soul. Know that He is in control of everything, and all will be completed in it's time.
So, the beauty learned today: That it's ok to be, as Oswald Chambers puts it, carefully careless about all that's going on. It's ok to take a step back and say, "I can't handle all this on my own, or so much at a time. God, help me start small."
He's there every step of the way.
Worry.
Or, learning not to worry.
Which is really hard for someone like me, who worries about and overcomplicates everything.
For example, I have so much that I need to do: get important projects done (like illustrations), design a logo for my pastor, as well as keep up with having devotionals and Bible studies.
To top it all off, I've volunteered/been volunteered to display and sell some artwork and photography (and maybe some textiles)for a fundraiser. And it's super short notice, which is driving me nuts.
My job has taken a lot out of me, and I'm still adjusting to the schedule. I work late, then can't sleep till later, then sleep all day till I only have about four hours left of it before work again.
And it's driving me nuts, because I can't get into any projects without having to stop and get ready for work (or taking a nap).
My weekends keep filling up with stuff. And I can't make up my mind if I want a weekend free to finish these projects, or free to do whatever I want, like hanging out and talking with friends, giving them quality time. Or painting for me, because I haven't dont that in a long time either, and I miss it.
It's burning me out.
But...this isn't the end.
This doesn't have to be as complicated as I'm making it out to be.
I'm so worried that I won't be able to finish anything, so I'm afraid to start anything.
But a thought came to me: it will all get done.
If God has ordained it, nothing can prevent it from happening, except myself.
And it's ok to start small.
That's something I've been learning as far as Bible studies go. For a while, I WAS starting small, picking at short sections within chapters. Then I started rushing them, because I suddenly decided I wanted to learn faster.
But that's not how God always works, is it?
He doesn't always immediately make things happen, you know?
Kinda like, just because I have the idea in my head doesn't make a painting immediately appear. I have to go through the process of sketching it out, planning, transferring, and then start with layers of color until it's finished. And it's a journey.
I think that's my issue, why I worry. I want things to be immediately done, so that I'll have more time to get other things done. But that's not how life works. I have to go through the desert to reach the promised land.
And nothing is impossible, because with God, all things are possible.
So why should I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need.
You know what I need
Your love is,
Your love is,
Your love is strong
...Two things You told me
That You are strong
and You love me
- Jon Foreman, Your Love is Strong
God knows I want to finish these projects. He's teaching me that it's ok to start small. No need to worry or burn myself out about it.
Love Him first, with all my heart, mind, and soul. Know that He is in control of everything, and all will be completed in it's time.
So, the beauty learned today: That it's ok to be, as Oswald Chambers puts it, carefully careless about all that's going on. It's ok to take a step back and say, "I can't handle all this on my own, or so much at a time. God, help me start small."
He's there every step of the way.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 6 - Inspiration from the One and Only
The common theme goin' around at church these past couple of shabbats have been vision and potential.
Or vision vs. potential.
So, to get my point across for today's update, let me put two sermons in a nutshell for ya:
Vision = our goals, where we hope to be in the future, based on past and present experiences.
Thus, our visions are subject to change, due to said past and present experiences.
Potential, on the other hand, is fixed.
God speaks His potential into us before we are born. So, really, we've got some pretty high standards to reach. And they're possible, because with God, anything is possible.
HIS vision for us is not just to believe in His Son, Yeshua, and repent, but to grow and accomplish what He has called us to do, at the level He has called us to reach.
How often does our vision change, or go dormant?
How often do we limit our potential to who we think we are or who we think we'll become, rich or poor?
These sermons have given me much to think over, and tonight, I was inspired greatly.
I was talking to my cousin about these sermons, and somehow we ended up talking about stories that we had been working on many many years ago up to...I don't know, sometime last year, maybe.
There was a time in my life where I was dead sure we were gonna write these books, and they were gonna get published and speak to people.
And then the motivation died.
The ideas kept coming, and there was - IS - still a tugging on my heart whenever I think of these stories and characters, but experience has taught me I don't have enough self motivation. And people have taught me that this isn't a realistic dream, that I need to make money to be any kind of successful.
I'm not trying to blame people or lack of motivation. Well...ok, I can definitely blame lack of motivation. Blaming myself is super easy here, because it really is my fault that this vision died.
Some people go through these creative "phases" and realize it's not for them. Which is cool. Sometimes God changes our hearts for the better.
But I don't believe writing these books and creating these characters was just a phase for my cousin and me.
Because there's a longing in my heart to see these books reach people.
And I don't regret one minute of all the time we spent creating this new world and all the people in it.
So, the vision was lost.
But is God re-awakening it?
I feel like if God was to have killed that desire in me, He'd have done it a long time ago. Because it's a tug that keeps on tugging. It has never truly died.
What does potential have to do with all this?
Well, I feel like I've been seriously lowering my "sense" of potential for a long time now. I let my experiences, past and present, affect how far I feel is right to go. I lower my standards, because I feel like that's all I'm good for.
A lot has happened this year that's been re-awakening a lot of the visions I've had for the future.
Lemme give you the "time-line":
1. Fresh out of high school in '08, went to community college as an art major, with the ideas in my head that these books would be published, some art would get out, and life was good.
2. Continued at said community college as an art major, realizing, "Hm...I could write these books and do art...but then what? I'm learning that this won't pay all the bills...so...I'll get into art therapy instead."
3. Realized said community college doesn't have an art therapy program, but was counselled to continue with my major and get into therapy at a four year university. But still going for it, because it looks interesting and will make money (and, of course, help people. Can't forget that).
- Somewhere within this time-frame, I begin illustrating a children's story for a friend -
4. Decide I like doing art for me, not using it to help people recall traumatic experiences (don't get me wrong, I think art therapy is an awesome thing. But could any of the three of you who read this seriously see me doing this?!). So I'm back to square one: art.
5. Remember how much I love and miss horses, so I find a barn close by that allows me to work there in exchange for riding lessons. Start thinkin', "Well, maybe art therapy was a bust, but what about being a therapy riding instructor?" So I research it, get info from a hippotherapist, even help out for a day at a therapy barn (with afore-mentioned cousin), and decide, "Yes, this is the career for me. I can always do art on the side."
6.Taking an illustrating class second to last semester, and my professor tells me he can see me illustrating. I keep this in the back of my mind.
7. In my last semester of said community college with the intention of going back or to another school for two years of physical therapy training. Then realize that when I tell people what I want to do, I can't even think of the term. Therapy. Riding. Instructor. Is it really that hard to say? But for some reason, I couldn't even remember. So now I'm unsure.
8. Quietly decide that being a...um...what is it? Using horses for therapy - therapy riding instructor! - isn't it. I've graduated with my AA in art. Picking up on illustrating, and have had multiple people telling me that they love the art I do and can see my passion for it in my paintings. Remember my illustration professor talking to me about a future in illustrating.
I think this finally gets us caught up to now. There was definitely a lot of in-between stuff within those, I guess, two to three years, but I think you get the point now of how visions have changed.
So, this brings us to the present. I believe God has not only re-called me to my art visions, but to writing these books as well.
So, now, I guess this transition of being called to creativity from dormancy is in need of some God-given potential. Because His promises are attainable.
And His potential is possible to reach, because HE has ordained it, and if HE has said it shall be done, who am I to stand in His way? Why should I limit myself to be less than or greater than what my potential is through Him who gives it?
And not only limit my potential, but my transition?
I don't believe I've been called to be creative, and that's it. There's a whole promised land waiting for me. And God will be the same God there as He is with me right now. And He will carry me along this journey of growing in Him, of achieving these visions He has called me to, and reaching His potential.
So, all this to say that His inspiration to be better and to do more is a beautiful thing. I hope I have conveyed that to some degree.
Or vision vs. potential.
So, to get my point across for today's update, let me put two sermons in a nutshell for ya:
Vision = our goals, where we hope to be in the future, based on past and present experiences.
Thus, our visions are subject to change, due to said past and present experiences.
Potential, on the other hand, is fixed.
God speaks His potential into us before we are born. So, really, we've got some pretty high standards to reach. And they're possible, because with God, anything is possible.
HIS vision for us is not just to believe in His Son, Yeshua, and repent, but to grow and accomplish what He has called us to do, at the level He has called us to reach.
How often does our vision change, or go dormant?
How often do we limit our potential to who we think we are or who we think we'll become, rich or poor?
These sermons have given me much to think over, and tonight, I was inspired greatly.
I was talking to my cousin about these sermons, and somehow we ended up talking about stories that we had been working on many many years ago up to...I don't know, sometime last year, maybe.
There was a time in my life where I was dead sure we were gonna write these books, and they were gonna get published and speak to people.
And then the motivation died.
The ideas kept coming, and there was - IS - still a tugging on my heart whenever I think of these stories and characters, but experience has taught me I don't have enough self motivation. And people have taught me that this isn't a realistic dream, that I need to make money to be any kind of successful.
I'm not trying to blame people or lack of motivation. Well...ok, I can definitely blame lack of motivation. Blaming myself is super easy here, because it really is my fault that this vision died.
Some people go through these creative "phases" and realize it's not for them. Which is cool. Sometimes God changes our hearts for the better.
But I don't believe writing these books and creating these characters was just a phase for my cousin and me.
Because there's a longing in my heart to see these books reach people.
And I don't regret one minute of all the time we spent creating this new world and all the people in it.
So, the vision was lost.
But is God re-awakening it?
I feel like if God was to have killed that desire in me, He'd have done it a long time ago. Because it's a tug that keeps on tugging. It has never truly died.
What does potential have to do with all this?
Well, I feel like I've been seriously lowering my "sense" of potential for a long time now. I let my experiences, past and present, affect how far I feel is right to go. I lower my standards, because I feel like that's all I'm good for.
A lot has happened this year that's been re-awakening a lot of the visions I've had for the future.
Lemme give you the "time-line":
1. Fresh out of high school in '08, went to community college as an art major, with the ideas in my head that these books would be published, some art would get out, and life was good.
2. Continued at said community college as an art major, realizing, "Hm...I could write these books and do art...but then what? I'm learning that this won't pay all the bills...so...I'll get into art therapy instead."
3. Realized said community college doesn't have an art therapy program, but was counselled to continue with my major and get into therapy at a four year university. But still going for it, because it looks interesting and will make money (and, of course, help people. Can't forget that).
- Somewhere within this time-frame, I begin illustrating a children's story for a friend -
4. Decide I like doing art for me, not using it to help people recall traumatic experiences (don't get me wrong, I think art therapy is an awesome thing. But could any of the three of you who read this seriously see me doing this?!). So I'm back to square one: art.
5. Remember how much I love and miss horses, so I find a barn close by that allows me to work there in exchange for riding lessons. Start thinkin', "Well, maybe art therapy was a bust, but what about being a therapy riding instructor?" So I research it, get info from a hippotherapist, even help out for a day at a therapy barn (with afore-mentioned cousin), and decide, "Yes, this is the career for me. I can always do art on the side."
6.Taking an illustrating class second to last semester, and my professor tells me he can see me illustrating. I keep this in the back of my mind.
7. In my last semester of said community college with the intention of going back or to another school for two years of physical therapy training. Then realize that when I tell people what I want to do, I can't even think of the term. Therapy. Riding. Instructor. Is it really that hard to say? But for some reason, I couldn't even remember. So now I'm unsure.
8. Quietly decide that being a...um...what is it? Using horses for therapy - therapy riding instructor! - isn't it. I've graduated with my AA in art. Picking up on illustrating, and have had multiple people telling me that they love the art I do and can see my passion for it in my paintings. Remember my illustration professor talking to me about a future in illustrating.
I think this finally gets us caught up to now. There was definitely a lot of in-between stuff within those, I guess, two to three years, but I think you get the point now of how visions have changed.
So, this brings us to the present. I believe God has not only re-called me to my art visions, but to writing these books as well.
So, now, I guess this transition of being called to creativity from dormancy is in need of some God-given potential. Because His promises are attainable.
And His potential is possible to reach, because HE has ordained it, and if HE has said it shall be done, who am I to stand in His way? Why should I limit myself to be less than or greater than what my potential is through Him who gives it?
And not only limit my potential, but my transition?
I don't believe I've been called to be creative, and that's it. There's a whole promised land waiting for me. And God will be the same God there as He is with me right now. And He will carry me along this journey of growing in Him, of achieving these visions He has called me to, and reaching His potential.
So, all this to say that His inspiration to be better and to do more is a beautiful thing. I hope I have conveyed that to some degree.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 5 - It's the Little Things in Life
I'm the kind of person who's very easy to please and amuse. It really doesn't take much to lift my spirit.
Like the past couple days at work, I wore different colored Converse: purple and red (not at the same time).
And I felt like there was a bit more of a bounce in my step.
And today, after having woken up late and feeling a big groggy, the first person I see is my dad.
Now, anyone who knows me knows I'm not a morning person in ANY sense of the word.
But when I saw pops standing there in the kitchen, I couldn't stop smiling.
And to top it all off, my brother came home from work earlier, and we got to hang out for a little while (aka went to the bank together, which may not seem like "hanging out", but I loved every minute of it).
That all might seem petty...colorful shoes, and people you probably think I see every single day.
Well:
The Converse made people smile.
And I don't get to see my dad or brother except on the weekends, or if I come home from work early.
God is full of little surprises. I think it's important to recognize and appreciate the simple things in life, especially since I'm the kind that tends to worry and over-complicate things.
But the more I worry about everything, the less simple joys I'll be able to...enjoy, which makes me forget about what Yeshua is doing in my life daily. Which causes me to forget to thank Him and praise Him for even the little things.
Too often in my life I focus on big things, good and bad.
But those little things are there for a reason.
God is very detailed. I mean, obviously, look at what He created! From the tallest mountain, to the smallest insect. The universe, to the atom.
He wouldn't create little details for no reason.
So. What has God taught me about His beauty in my life today?
That all things, from my family down to colorful shoes, serve a purpose.
(Hope that made sense.)
Like the past couple days at work, I wore different colored Converse: purple and red (not at the same time).
And I felt like there was a bit more of a bounce in my step.
And today, after having woken up late and feeling a big groggy, the first person I see is my dad.
Now, anyone who knows me knows I'm not a morning person in ANY sense of the word.
But when I saw pops standing there in the kitchen, I couldn't stop smiling.
And to top it all off, my brother came home from work earlier, and we got to hang out for a little while (aka went to the bank together, which may not seem like "hanging out", but I loved every minute of it).
That all might seem petty...colorful shoes, and people you probably think I see every single day.
Well:
The Converse made people smile.
And I don't get to see my dad or brother except on the weekends, or if I come home from work early.
God is full of little surprises. I think it's important to recognize and appreciate the simple things in life, especially since I'm the kind that tends to worry and over-complicate things.
But the more I worry about everything, the less simple joys I'll be able to...enjoy, which makes me forget about what Yeshua is doing in my life daily. Which causes me to forget to thank Him and praise Him for even the little things.
Too often in my life I focus on big things, good and bad.
But those little things are there for a reason.
God is very detailed. I mean, obviously, look at what He created! From the tallest mountain, to the smallest insect. The universe, to the atom.
He wouldn't create little details for no reason.
So. What has God taught me about His beauty in my life today?
That all things, from my family down to colorful shoes, serve a purpose.
(Hope that made sense.)
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 4 - His Faithfulness...for Me?!
I'm probably one of the clutziest people around.
No joke.
I'm the kind of person who gets her pockets caught on drawer handles.
Tonight at work, all I did was trip over cords and drop dry-mop handles. I even got my barrel caught up under my foot. Which hurt. Real bad.
Sometimes, I feel like I make a bigger mess of things than necessary. And this doesn't make sense, because I make my living (right now) cleaning.
When people see me clean, do all they see is this tangled-up does-not-look-her-age girl in red (or purple) Converse?
I hope they see I actually do my job....
But I am the most unprofessional cleaning lady there is.
Really, the people I work with are wonderful. I wish people could be half as lucky as I am. But I'm such a clutz, it frustrates the crap out of me.
And yet...God will accept me too?
Which I really find to be very profound.
Because not only am I good at making messes at work or at home, but I'm a pro when it comes to messing up my relationship with Yeshua. I trip over my mistakes and my past and present sins. I get all tangled up in the worry and constant tension of wondering if I'm doing anything right.
But...God is still faithful. Which is crazy, really. Why would someone so perfect and, well...God, stick around for a low-life like me?
But He does.
For some reason that only He knows, there's a purpose for this 21 year old, Converse-wearing, vacuum-cord-trippin', scatter-brained artist who's only trying to figure out, as Switchfoot says, "Life, and love, and why...."
So, God's beauty today: an incredible faithfulness that can only come from Him. Those messes I get caught up in (physically and spiritually) only He can turn into something with purpose.
No joke.
I'm the kind of person who gets her pockets caught on drawer handles.
Tonight at work, all I did was trip over cords and drop dry-mop handles. I even got my barrel caught up under my foot. Which hurt. Real bad.
Sometimes, I feel like I make a bigger mess of things than necessary. And this doesn't make sense, because I make my living (right now) cleaning.
When people see me clean, do all they see is this tangled-up does-not-look-her-age girl in red (or purple) Converse?
I hope they see I actually do my job....
But I am the most unprofessional cleaning lady there is.
Really, the people I work with are wonderful. I wish people could be half as lucky as I am. But I'm such a clutz, it frustrates the crap out of me.
And yet...God will accept me too?
Which I really find to be very profound.
Because not only am I good at making messes at work or at home, but I'm a pro when it comes to messing up my relationship with Yeshua. I trip over my mistakes and my past and present sins. I get all tangled up in the worry and constant tension of wondering if I'm doing anything right.
But...God is still faithful. Which is crazy, really. Why would someone so perfect and, well...God, stick around for a low-life like me?
But He does.
For some reason that only He knows, there's a purpose for this 21 year old, Converse-wearing, vacuum-cord-trippin', scatter-brained artist who's only trying to figure out, as Switchfoot says, "Life, and love, and why...."
So, God's beauty today: an incredible faithfulness that can only come from Him. Those messes I get caught up in (physically and spiritually) only He can turn into something with purpose.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 3 - God's Promises
I have a feeling this won't be the first time in this challenge where I touch on His promises and how He keeps them.
And I'm still trying to figure out how to explain this one.
You know how God never gives you more than you can handle?
That's how I felt today. Or...what I realized later, after having had a rough day, feeling down and discouraged, just wanting to be home.
I have to keep reminding myself that He never gives me more than I can handle. Because it's something I firmly believe, but forget all the time.
So...it's pretty awesome that He really does keep His promises. Because I made it through this rough day, right?
I feel like this sounds petty.
But integrity is beautiful too.
God is faithful and will complete His work in me. This mess I'm in, He'll make beautiful. And this mess is just right for me to handle.
I wonder what else He will fulfill in my life?
And I'm still trying to figure out how to explain this one.
You know how God never gives you more than you can handle?
That's how I felt today. Or...what I realized later, after having had a rough day, feeling down and discouraged, just wanting to be home.
I have to keep reminding myself that He never gives me more than I can handle. Because it's something I firmly believe, but forget all the time.
So...it's pretty awesome that He really does keep His promises. Because I made it through this rough day, right?
I feel like this sounds petty.
But integrity is beautiful too.
God is faithful and will complete His work in me. This mess I'm in, He'll make beautiful. And this mess is just right for me to handle.
I wonder what else He will fulfill in my life?
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 2 - Community
For some reason, I feel like this update is tougher than the last one.
Which is ridiculous, because you'd think on such an awesome day like today was, there'd be plenty to update about.
Maybe my brain was just too fried.
But what spoke to me the most today was the people I work with. And the people I see every day.
There is a huge support group where I work. You wouldn't think these people would take the time to converse with a low-life cleaning lady like me, but they totally do.
Whenever I see these people, I always do my best to smile and say hello. Tonight, as I was vacuuming, one of the regular guys came in and I gave him a smile and said hi. He stops in the hallway and says, "You're always smiling."
Why wouldn't I smile at these people?
I firmly believe God created people for fellowship and community.
I don't know much about these people, or what they all even believe, but I wonder if they even recognize this awesome quality and attribute in that place.
So. What's beautiful about today?
The community of hardworking, genuine people.
Which is ridiculous, because you'd think on such an awesome day like today was, there'd be plenty to update about.
Maybe my brain was just too fried.
But what spoke to me the most today was the people I work with. And the people I see every day.
There is a huge support group where I work. You wouldn't think these people would take the time to converse with a low-life cleaning lady like me, but they totally do.
Whenever I see these people, I always do my best to smile and say hello. Tonight, as I was vacuuming, one of the regular guys came in and I gave him a smile and said hi. He stops in the hallway and says, "You're always smiling."
Why wouldn't I smile at these people?
I firmly believe God created people for fellowship and community.
I don't know much about these people, or what they all even believe, but I wonder if they even recognize this awesome quality and attribute in that place.
So. What's beautiful about today?
The community of hardworking, genuine people.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Beauty of God: Day 1 - The Challenge Begins
This really has turned out to be quite the challenge, and it's only day one! And I'm wondering if 12:40 a.m. counts as day one, or am I already on day two, and late in updating on my own challenge.
But I don't want to update in the middle of the day (when, really, the middle of the day is hardly a day started for me).
So...what have I learned of God's beauty in my life today?
Part of the challenge is going to be figuring that out this month, I know. There are gonna be days where I feel like I haven't seen or felt a darn thing.
Maybe like how I feel today.
Really, today was a rough start for me. Woke up late when I had planned on waking up early, was tired all day, and didn't get as much done as I had wanted to. Do these kinds of unplanned disasters always happen when you know you're trying harder than ever to experience God in some way, especially when you hope to grow closer to Him through it all?
But maybe that's the beauty of today: the knowledge that through all this mess, God is with me, and the hardships will be worth it. As cliche as that sounds, it's no less true than God's faithfulness.
Yeah, I think the beautiful thing about today is the knowledge that throughout this endeavor, God's going to remain faithful, and work wonders on my soul, and I pray for others as well (a friend just texted 3 John v.2, and I feel like it seriously ties in to all this).
Maybe on a more physical side to this whole beauty thing, while at work, I was looking in one of the rooms, called the laser printing room. All the lights were out, so everything was enshrouded in dark, fuzzy shadows. But coming through the windows, the sun was casting a deep golden yellow on anything it could touch.
I wish I had taken a moment to stop and soak it all in. Maybe it's an artist thing, or maybe I'm just easily taken in by stuff like that, but there was something so peaceful and beautiful about seeing that deep sunset gold on all that equipment. Actually, the equipment didn't matter. The light did.
God's light.
Because He's gonna keep shining in the dark.
When situations seem fuzzy and dark, He can shine His light in the most marvelous ways, if we let Him. And if we chose to see His light, focus on that rather than the darkness and confusion.
So. I'm going to stand on this: that as I do my best to focus on His beauty in these messes I get myself in to, that my soul will grow closer to Him.
I pray that also for all who are joining in this as well.
But I don't want to update in the middle of the day (when, really, the middle of the day is hardly a day started for me).
So...what have I learned of God's beauty in my life today?
Part of the challenge is going to be figuring that out this month, I know. There are gonna be days where I feel like I haven't seen or felt a darn thing.
Maybe like how I feel today.
Really, today was a rough start for me. Woke up late when I had planned on waking up early, was tired all day, and didn't get as much done as I had wanted to. Do these kinds of unplanned disasters always happen when you know you're trying harder than ever to experience God in some way, especially when you hope to grow closer to Him through it all?
But maybe that's the beauty of today: the knowledge that through all this mess, God is with me, and the hardships will be worth it. As cliche as that sounds, it's no less true than God's faithfulness.
Yeah, I think the beautiful thing about today is the knowledge that throughout this endeavor, God's going to remain faithful, and work wonders on my soul, and I pray for others as well (a friend just texted 3 John v.2, and I feel like it seriously ties in to all this).
Maybe on a more physical side to this whole beauty thing, while at work, I was looking in one of the rooms, called the laser printing room. All the lights were out, so everything was enshrouded in dark, fuzzy shadows. But coming through the windows, the sun was casting a deep golden yellow on anything it could touch.
I wish I had taken a moment to stop and soak it all in. Maybe it's an artist thing, or maybe I'm just easily taken in by stuff like that, but there was something so peaceful and beautiful about seeing that deep sunset gold on all that equipment. Actually, the equipment didn't matter. The light did.
God's light.
Because He's gonna keep shining in the dark.
When situations seem fuzzy and dark, He can shine His light in the most marvelous ways, if we let Him. And if we chose to see His light, focus on that rather than the darkness and confusion.
So. I'm going to stand on this: that as I do my best to focus on His beauty in these messes I get myself in to, that my soul will grow closer to Him.
I pray that also for all who are joining in this as well.
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