Beauty of God: Day 14 - Ever Have One of Those Moments...

...where you were pouring your heart out to God, confused as all get out, wondering what it is you're waiting for, if the wait is worth it, etc., etc., asking God for some kind of sign or hint that there's hope, feeling like it's not going to happen...and then it does?

I'm kind of dumbfounded right now, as a result of aforementioned position.

There are a lot of things I'm super confused about right now. Most of it involves my future.
I shouldn't worry about it, but I do.

I kind of hate that God knows the end result, and I don't.
He knows what the wait is for, but I'm just here...waiting.

I understand that the wait can produce much fruit if I would let it.

But when dry spells, even small ones, occur, I suddenly feel like I'm just wasting my time.
I wonder if any of this is worth it.

I wonder of this is cut out for me. If I'm really meant for all this.

If hoping is futile, because it's all gonna come crashing down on me anyway.

Then I wonder if I'm even hoping for the right things, with the right state of heart and mind.

I laid all my questions and concerns down. Actually, I wrote them all down in a list. Came to 34 questions and concerns and worries, most of all pretaining to whether or not I'm listening to the voice of truth, or the lie.

I asked God for a sign.
Actually...I told HIM that I needed a sign.
Isn't He the One who's supposed to tell us what we need?

So, I also asked for just a hint. A hint that there is a point in hoping or not. To go foreword or step back.

And He gave it.

Not right away, not right when I asked for it, but after I poured it all out and rummaged through the Bible (because, you know, if it's the handbook to life, won't it have something relating to what I'm going through?).

After all that, His sliver of hope, a slight hint came.

God...I know You hear me now. Forgive me for freaking out and making a big deal over this. You have proven your faithfulness before, and Your hope, but I forgot.

I don't want to forget again. It's too painful.

Thank You for coming through for me. I feel like I - actually, I know I don't deserve what You just did, especially after all the complaining and blaming I did earlier.

You have given me a joy and a hope that I had forgotten.

I hope this will draw me closer to You and not farther away.

Thank You, so, so much. I love you Lord so very much. I wish I knew how to express that better, especially right now.

"You have turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and
clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to You and not
be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give You
thanks forever."
Psalm 30:11