Believe or Not Believe?

It's late. On a Sunday night.


I have classes starting at 8 am.


I have to get up at 6 am to get ready.


So what do I do?


I try to sleep. But that's not working. 'Cause I don't sleep well.


So...what do I do?


I think (aka talk to myself).





I was thinking about my history class and what we had to write our recent reflection paper on. We're in the medieval times now (no, not the awesome show with the horses and jousting and horses and swords and horses and...), and we had to write our paper on how religion was tied to politics and university life, using documents from those times as backup for our papers.


In the document I found, the pope had written up a bunch of laws for the students and teachers to go by, regarding what to do/what not to do on specific religious holidays, what the teacher's should wear, how the students should conduct themselves, etc.


It really made me reflect on my time at a private Christian school.


Though not nearly as strict as the universities during the medieval period, my school had rules and regulations regarding dress and conduct.


Both of my school and the medieval university were revolved around theology - at least, to an extent (my school was pretty big on it's athletic department. Epic fail for its stumbling artists).





Well...it got me wondering: since the university was pretty heavy on its theology back in the day, since the Church had a hand in pretty much everything, did the students truly believe everything they were taught because they really wanted to, or did they only "believe" because they were brought up to believe?





I didn't go to a Christian school my whole life - only from middle school to graduation. But I do live in a Christian home. So I was raised going to church (on Saturdays - Messianic, plz), believing in a God who created the universe and all in it, that Jesus died on the cross and rose three days later - the whole nine yards. And for all those years of being raised thus, then going to a Christian school where we had Bible classes for those - what, seven? - years, I began to believe only because everyone else did.


I'm gonna say now, that I'm on that stage in my "Christain walk" where I'm finally beginning to question what I believe and why I believe it - just like we're SUPPOSED to do, because, honestly, if anyone can take questioning, God can. When you've been raised to believe certain things and had seven years worth of Bible classes shoved down your throat, you don't question. The thing is, we're meant to question. We NEED to question!





So, anyways, back to the whole medieval/nowadays deal. WELL. Those theologins of olde, before they were able to lecture and preach, had to go through EIGHT years of listening to theological lectures and sermons (according to the document I read). Were those eight years of eager wanting to learn, or were their classes similar to my own Bible classes?


Like I said, I went through seven years of it (I guess according to medieval standards, I'm almost eligible to teach it now...? But wait, that's a bit flawed, isn't it? I'm getting to the explanation!), and out of those seven years, I maybe only had two good teachers. One from middle school and one from high school. But the remaining three were...questionable? Not the right word...maybe unqualified to teach in this specific field. They were great people, but not everyone's qualified to teach. The two good ones though, really got my classmates and I to think. Unfortunately, they both came at the last year - 8th and 12th grade (if my memory serves correct on the 8th grade one). So for the past many years I've had a mindset towards Bible classes and even Christianity: that they're boring, blargh, and just a bunch of easily forgotten information. Those classes were all bent up on grades. Something I'm strongly against for Bible classes. I swear I didn't learn squat, except how to quickly memorize a verse only to forget it immediately after I handed in my test. Bible verses weren't meant to be memorized for a grade. They're meant to be memorized to give us hope and encouragement. I promise, though I know I don't know everything, that there's a verse for absolutely everything that we go through in this life. EVERYTHING. In learning it, we're meant to apply it. But in only memorizing it for a grade, it loses all meaning and application. It's just a set of words for an easy "A". RIDICOULOUS! Absolutely NOT how you would think a Christian is supposed to view it at all. Honestly, as a result of many years of this kind of Bible class, I view reading the Bible as a bland chore rather than something I willingly want to do. Whenever someone even brings up the subject of theology, as much as I like it, I also despise it, because it feels like I'm listening to another boring Bible class that didn't mean a thing to me. This definitely doesn't make me qualified to teach at any medieval university, even if I did complete that last year.





Was university life in the medieval period anything like this? If so, those students who went on to teach were either under some sort of delusion, or just really unqualified teachers with empty sermons.


I know some people like this, who were brought up in Christian homes and seem to only regurgitate that which they were taught to believe, rather than speaking from experience. They're like, the type of people who try to use theology as an explanation for why something could be a good or bad thing instead of why THEY believe it for themselves; they go around, almost like what we would consider the Christian stereotype: happy-go-lucky, everything's happy and shining, etc.


I used to think like this.


Then I realized it's a delusional status quo.


So I decided to question myself and my beliefs, because I honestly don't agree with using "Jesus" as my only excuse for why I believe something to be right or wrong. My Savior is the beginning reason, but I always try to back it up with personal beliefs, concerns, facts, side effects, etc. if I can (otherwise, it's like the whole "I don't date because Jesus is my boyfriend." Oh, if someone says that to me, I swear I'll throw up all over them).


So...what does all this rambling mean?

I think what I'm really trying to get across is it's ok to question what you believe, have your own personal reasons for why you believe such-and-such.
Sorry if this all didn't make much sense, or seem to wrap up in the end.
Contrary to the date at the top, it is now April 28th, and I am not up at midnight trying to sleep with an 8 a.m. class tomorrow.
Blessings,
Jenni